5 Therapist-Approved Questions To Help You Identify Your Emotional Wounds 

Everyone has childhood wounds, declares licensed marriage and family therapist Vienna Pharaon, LMFT, on this episode of the mindbodygreen podcast.

No matter your family dynamic or upbringing, you likely have some unresolved issues from your past. The key is to work through those past traumas before they become an obstacle in your present life. 

But where should you start? Well, it helps to identify your emotional wounds before diving into healing work, but many of our deep cuts can show up in unexpected ways.

"One great question [to ask] is, 'Where in my life am I most reactive?'" Pharaon shares. "Reactivity is the neon sign that points us to irresolution." 

Think about the conversations that easily set you off. What are you talking about and with whom? Is there a familiar sensation you can pinpoint from your past? 

"Where have I experienced this before? What do I know about this? Is it that I don't feel prioritized in these moments? Is it that I don't feel good enough in these moments? Is it that I don't feel like I can trust in these moments?" Pharaon offers. 

It's an all too familiar scenario: Your friends and loved ones frequently come to you for advice—be it about love, money, careers, boundaries—yet you seldom take your own guidance. 

Next up: What did you need most as a kid and not get? This is a heavy one, says Pharaon, so give yourself time to sit with the question and really acknowledge it. 

That being said, this is not a time to bash your parents and critique your upbringing. "We're not here to throw anybody under the bus. We're not here to just point blame and shame," she says. Rather, think of it as an exercise for yourself to honor your past pain so you can move forward from it. 

"The pleasers, the perfectionists, the performers out there—those are a lot of the people who struggle with a worthiness wound," says Pharaon. 

It's a very common type of emotional wound, she notes, and it happens quite subtly. Maybe your parents incentivized you with an allowance or praise at the dinner table if you did something they wanted. 

Look, there's nothing inherently wrong with aspiring to excellence. "I love to compete as well," Pharaon notes, and determination is a gift. But she also says that your wounds can easily hide underneath those glittering attributes. 

According to Pharaon, every human on the planet rubs up against some sort of emotional wound. It can be overwhelming to know where to start that healing work (so we recommend seeing a professional if you can), but identifying those patterns is half the battle.