How To Trust: 8 Truths To Know If You've Been Hurt Before 

Most of us have felt like our trust has been compromised at some point in our lives. Needless to say, these experiences can be very painful. Perhaps we're still scared to trust again. We think to ourselves, "Who can I trust? And how do I know I can trust them?"

But trust is one of those things that we can't just skip over. It's a crucial ingredient in our relationships; some call it the foundation. Without it, it's really difficult to settle in and just love. Here, the eight truths of trust.

Let's start off with the undeniable truth: We all have reasons not to trust. What I mean by this is that we've all felt hurt, disappointed, rejected, scared, and abandoned. We have all suffered in some way, and we have all felt pain in relationships.

Usually the way we try to avoid being hurt in relationships is by holding off on trusting until we know we are safe. Trusting becomes a mechanism of protection—if the person "earns our trust" then we will gladly give it to them.

And this is the problem. Because there are never any guarantees. Asking someone to "earn our trust" often means we are asking them not to make any mistakes and not to cause us to feel uncomfortable feelings. And this is an impossible task.

Unfortunately guarantees are not found in relationships (computers come with guarantees—not people). And guarantees are definitely not found in our love relationships. We're way too complex for that. In fact—you're not going to like this—what you probably can guarantee is that you will feel hurt sometimes by the people you love.

Trust is about signing up to work through hurt when it arises. If we relate to trust through this perspective, then trusting becomes much easier. All of a sudden, we shift from trying to avoid being hurt (which is impossible), to recognizing that we can move through anything that comes our way. This helps us feel empowered—and, therefore, a little more trusting and a little less fearful.

What can you do to get over trust issues? You can make an informed decision and go for it. That's right. Jump in and have faith. When you decide to trust someone, it means that you believe in that person's integrity. Trusting is knowing that ultimately this person's intentions are good. And it also means that you know that they are going to make mistakes. But building a strong relationship is possible.

When we're scared, we make mistakes. By mistakes I mean we hurt others, we don't act in our highest integrity. Fear makes us act out. And if you're being honest with yourself, you know that you've likely done this too. It's unfortunate but true.

If we trust ourselves first and foremost, it allows us to deal with the mistakes of others with a little more grace and ease. If you know that no matter what—no matter what your partner does, no matter what challenges arise—you are going to be OK, then trusting is going to be easier to do.

Trusting is not about choosing the right person. I mean, it is a choice, so try not to choose blindly. But remember, you are not signing up to be in a relationship with a robot—you are signing up to be with another human being.

What you are saying when you choose to trust someone is, "I know that deep down you are a good person with good intentions. I know you are going to get scared and lose it from time to time, and I will try to support you and/or act with compassion when that happens. And I know that ultimately, my well-being is up to me."