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Keep Your Eye Out For These 5 Red Flags Ahead Of National Breakup Day
National Breakup Day is right around the corner—February 21, to be exact. While happy couples may still be reveling in the post–Valentine's Day glow, others may be acutely aware that their current relationship just isn't working.
If you're sensing that a breakup may indeed be imminent, here are five red flags to watch out for from a relationship expert:
It feels like they're a thousand miles away
According to relationship scientist and licensed marriage and family therapist Marisa T. Cohen, Ph.D., LMFT, a big sign your partner is considering ending the relationship is becoming increasingly withdrawn.
Of course, some people like to have "me time" and enjoy their peace and quiet, but if it seems like they're disappearing more often and without explanation—or that they're distant even when they're right next to you—that's a red flag.
"Distancing oneself can include physically going away and wanting much more time alone, but it can also come in the form of emotional withdrawal and decreased communication," Cohen explains, adding, "This means you're less likely to be sharing with one another and the connection doesn't feel as strong."
You fight more often & more aggressively
It's perfectly normal for couples to face conflict, but there's a difference between healthy conflict and bitter fighting, Cohen notes. "One of the signs of an impending breakup is an increase in disagreements that seemingly just can't be resolved peacefully," she says, adding, "These points of tension can be about small things that never got to the two of you before."
If one of you ends up crying over a seemingly silly thing like taking out the garbage, for example, the garbage is just the tip of the iceberg. "You may catch your partner fighting against you instead of trying to solve the problem with you. If you notice this uncomfortable change, that just might be the sign that your partner is thinking of ending things with you," Cohen says.
They talk to you less
Every couple will have their own standard or norm for how much and how often they communicate. If you begin to notice that the norm is shifting to more infrequent communication, Cohen says that's not a great sign.
"Of course, partners don't need to know about each other's every step and every thought. However, if you care about them, it's normal to share your plans in advance and to talk about the things that have happened," she explains.
"When a person considers breaking up, they may not want you to know anything about them. That can show in different ways, from being less likely to share to explicitly covering up what they're doing or where they are going."
They assume & accuse
In a healthy relationship, we give our partners the benefit of the doubt and always believe the best about them. When a relationship is in danger, on the other hand, that good image of our partner falls apart. As such, an unhappy partner may assume the worst about you and be more likely to make accusations or get offended.
For example, Cohen offers, if you forgot to pick up something from the grocery store, rather than acknowledging that you forgot, they respond with a generalizing, "You never remember the items I want!"
You barely spend time together
Finally, if a person wants to break up, it's often because they've simply stopped liking their partner. When that happens, Cohen explains, they want to spend less and less time with them. "You may notice your time together has shrunk to almost nothing and that you no longer do anything fun or pleasant together," she adds.
It's one thing to enjoy doing things on your own, but if your partner is less and less physically present with you or avoids doing things together, that's a red flag. "They will not only be less likely to suggest joint activities," Cohen notes, "but they will also decline your invitations to connect."
The takeaway
Whether you've only recently met your current love interest on a dating app or you've been together for years, the signs of an impending breakup are somewhat universal.
There's always a chance the relationship can be improved, but if you still have questions or doubts, here's our guide on when to break up.
