What Is Betrayal Trauma? How To Recognize It & Heal

Betrayal trauma can feel an awful lot like the dull and lingering pain after a swift punch to the gut. The person who hurt you isn't a stranger. Instead, it's someone who you love deeply and who you—never in a million years—would have guessed would do such a thing. It becomes hard to trust that person again. Frankly, it might be hard to trust anyone ever again.

In the 1990s, psychologist Jennifer Freyd coined the concept "betrayal trauma" to describe what "occurs when the people or institutions on which a person depends for survival significantly violate that person's trust or well-being." Infidelity, child abuse, and intimate partner violence are examples of events that can cause betrayal trauma because they all involve a breach of trust between people in an intimate relationship. Betrayal trauma can also happen when an institution, such as a government or law enforcement body, harms the individuals it claims to serve.

"Generally speaking, betrayal trauma is 'triggered' when a person/institution that we rely on for support (food, shelter, safety, emotional needs, job security) violates our boundaries," Coker explains. "This can range from early childhood experiences where our basic needs weren't met, to infidelity within romantic relationships, to institutional silence with regards to highly charged social justice issues."

The impacts of betrayal trauma are often compounded by the fact that the person who was harmed may need to remain in the abusive relationship for survival, as in the case of child abuse or institutional abuse, Coker explains. "In this case, it isn't to our advantage to react in the 'normal way' to the betrayal (i.e., leave the relationship or institution). Instead, we must suppress and ignore the betrayal in order to have our needs met."

According to the 2008 Encyclopedia of Psychological Trauma, in instances of betrayal trauma, "the victim may be less aware or less able to recall the traumatic experience because to do so will likely lead to confrontation or withdrawal by the betraying caregiver, threatening a necessary attachment relationship and thus the victim's survival." Betrayal triggers can be particularly hard to grasp in situations where there isn't a direct antecedent, Coker adds.

Betrayal trauma (BT) often involves difficulty even recognizing what's happening and naming the feelings it brings. Self-diagnosis is admittedly difficult because other complex traumas—like post-traumatic stress (PTS)—can generate similar reactions to betrayal trauma.

To help distinguish betrayal trauma from other trauma responses like post-traumatic stress, Conquest offers an illustrative example: "Imagine being attacked on the subway by a stranger (PTS). Now, imagine being robbed on the subway by a stranger (PTS) and then finding out your partner set you up for an insurance payout (BT)." The robbery is the gut punch. What about the complicity of someone who once made you feel safe? That is the double whammy that creates the mixed bag of complicated emotions that can linger for many years to come, known as betrayal trauma.

Betrayal trauma also doesn't have to be at an individual level, Coker and Conquest note. It frequently happens at an institutional level.

"An example of betrayal trauma could be officers in the military being sexually assaulted," Conquest explains. "When the assault is reported or discovered, there's no reaction or an inappropriate response from the military. In this example, the lack of response may be even more traumatic than the sexual assault itself. This can also be referred to as 'institutional trauma.'" In such cases, the violated officer may not only feel aggrieved by their attacker, but distrust can lead to limited interaction with other teammates and a lack of faith in the entire system. 

The person experiencing this form of betrayal trauma may not necessarily be a direct victim of physical abuse or violence. "Failure to prevent or respond supportively to reported individual incidents by an institution constitutes betrayal trauma," Coker explains. "This is also something common that people of color and others with marginalized identities face... They expect the institution that espouses concern for their needs to 'have their backs,' but often they fall short."

Betrayal trauma recovery first begins with recognizing that harmful events and situations are really tough. Many people try to repress or ignore what they went through, only seeking help when their trauma responses are already significantly hurting their quality of life. If this sounds like you or someone you love, there are many resources available to cope and heal.

"Recovery implies awareness, so accessing counseling and therapeutic supports can be a crucial step in the case of recovery," says Conquest. She suggests a variety of therapeutic techniques, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) to support healing.

When the victim feels safe and willing, she recommends group or family therapy. Sometimes this can entail relational healing with the person who initiated the trauma, but other times it simply allows the recovering person the opportunity to share their story with people in their lives who play a vital role in their social circle or support system.

While trauma therapy can be an important step to healing, Coker notes that not everyone is ready for professional help. Telehealth options might add a layer of detachment that a recovering person might prefer over a face-to-face session. 

In the meantime, lean on the other friends and family members in your support system. Your support system is vital for giving you a reality check that what you think is going on really is going on and reminding yourself that there are still trustworthy people in the world, says Coker. 

Betrayal trauma is more than just a theory. The situations and circumstances in which it can arise are quite diverse, and betrayal trauma symptoms are also linked to mental health ramifications and maladaptive behaviors. But once you know how to name that dull and lingering pain, it is that much easier to stop ignoring it and start on the road to recovery.

Trauma recovery is best achieved under the care of a licensed therapist who specializes in the kind of situations that most deeply affect you. If your situation is complex, long-standing, or built on childhood trauma, disclose that to prospective care providers to ensure that they are a good fit. If the relationship that troubles you most is deeply rooted in your identity or an institution, don't be afraid to say so. Build trust with your care provider and use that to craft a plan to build healthy relationships and practices for the future.