7 Ways To Manage Toxic Relationships When You're Stuck At Home

Relationships can be challenging at the best of times, but during a pandemic (especially when stay-at-home orders are in effect) those difficulties can escalate. Setting boundaries to protect yourself from emotional trauma becomes more complicated when you’re stuck inside with toxic roommates, partners, or family members. So, what do you do when it's not safe to go outdoors or stay inside?

If you are feeling uncomfortable at home, it's essential that you set firm boundaries. You have limited mental energy already, and you don't want to expend it getting stuck in difficult, draining, or stressful situations. That energy is necessary to keep your mind clear and to keep cognitive functioning at its highest level, giving you the ability to think wisely and manage challenging situations.

This kind of mind management is essential in these scenarios. My most recent research demonstrated that mind management was able to reduce anxiety, stress, depression, angst, edginess, hyper or hypo-vigilance, irritability, and so on, by up to 81% in any given situation. 

These are indicators that boundaries need to be put in place. They are "triggers" that can launch you into action. One of the biggest indicators that you need boundaries in the home is when you find yourself feeling emotional warning signals like frustration, anger, and resentment. Pay attention to these signals; don't suppress them—face them. It can be hard to admit when a loved one is getting on our nerves or that we need space, but this happens in every relationship. 

Even though we all make assumptions, they can be draining and toxic. They can make us incredibly anxious, and show up as negative energy in the brain. Our assumptions are reflected in our body language, which can affect our relationships—especially when we are stuck at home together. 

Talk to the person you're dealing with in a gentle but firm way—especially if you are usually passive. Make your request confidently and clearly. Don't apologize or ask the other person if what you're doing is OK. 

When dealing with a big issue, timing is of the essence. Talking about major issues when a person isn't ready for it, you don't have the ability to get away physically, or a third neutral party is not present can be a bad idea. Think before you speak—a tricky and stressful pandemic may not be the best time to bring up those deep issues and start fights.

Move to another room or go outside, if possible, to give yourself and the other person space. If they follow you or are emotionally or verbally abusive, try to go into a room with a door you can lock.

Let the other person know you will leave or lock the door if they do not stop or do not respect your boundaries. Be firm. We all need space—you don't have to feel guilt for needing "me time." 

Set self-boundaries, so that you are not constantly triggered at home, which makes your emotions spiral out of control. Be very careful about what you are ingesting or who you are around. You need to reserve your mental energy and preserve your mental health, so watch what conversations you are having, how much you are watching the news, how much you are talking about COVID-19, and so on. If what you are discussing with a friend or family member is upsetting you, ask to change the conversation. Don't be afraid to let people know how you feel.