Social Anxiety: What Causes It & How To Keep It In Check

Meeting new people or intermingling with big groups can be intimidating for many of us. But for some, the fear of interacting with others can significantly interfere with everyday life.

Social anxiety can cause people to dread—and even avoid—common activities such as birthday parties, office meetings, or even public places. To make matters worse, that fear of social situations can end up causing even more stress and anxiety.

Everyone experiences some level of social anxiousness at one time or another, but those with social anxiety disorder experience an above-average to severe level of worry, fear, and panic in social situations.

This disorder affects 40 million adults, or 18.1% of the U.S. population, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America.

"People with social anxiety disorder experience pervasive fears of social situations in which embarrassment or humiliation may occur," psychologist Justine Grosso, PsyD, PLLC, tells mbg. "However, they realize that the level of fear is excessive, which can cause individuals to fear being judged or rejected for appearing anxious, blushing, sweating, or coming across as incompetent or boring."

As with most mental health disorders, social anxiety is caused by a combination of genetic and environmental factors. "A person's upbringing, social history, and other factors can certainly predispose a person to social anxiety," psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., tells mbg. For example, social anxiety has been linked to experiences such as childhood bullying and family conflict. 

According to Manly, most individuals develop social anxiety in mid-childhood. That said, social anxiety can worsen or improve over time and can flare up in adulthood.

"Although certain traumatic events can trigger a lifelong experience of social anxiety, it can also begin with just the internal dialogue of not being enough in comparison to others," psychologist Tony Ortega tells mbg. "This negative chatter may start as a murmur and grow into a roar over a period of time."

What tends to make social anxiety worse is avoidance. "[This could include] either avoiding situations that cause the anxiety or experiential avoidance: overuse of medications or other safety cues, which reduce the anxiety feelings short term but prevent new learning from taking place," psychologist Lara Fielding, Psy.D., Ed.M., tells mbg.

If you experience the symptoms of social anxiety, it's tempting to want to lock yourself inside and avoid anything that causes you discomfort.

Like other types of anxiety, social anxiety is best addressed through psychotherapy, especially cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).

Managing your anxiety is important, but the best thing anyone can do to reduce the suffering caused by social anxiety is to keep showing up. "Because every time you do, and you stay present through the anxiety, you learn you can handle it," says Fielding. 

Ortega recommends making a list of social situations that cause anxiety, beginning with the least anxiety-producing to most anxiety-producing. "I would have the person tackle the least anxiety-producing [situations] first," he says. "This allows for psychological musculature to develop so they can later tackle the more anxiety-producing scenarios. 

Coping skills such as deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation help you engage the part of your nervous system that increases feelings of relaxation and calm. "Your breath controls your autonomic nervous system, so you want to get good at proper oxygenated breathing," says Fielding. "Pace your breathing so that your exhales are always longer than your inhales." 

"This packet can include soothing mints, a calming essential oil such as lavender, positive mantra cards, and soothing hand lotion," says Manly. Those who find supplements helpful for reducing anxiety may also wish to add one to their anti-anxiety checklist.

Mindful grounding strategies can help get you out of your head and into the present moment by feeling into the five senses of your body.

"You want to avoid statements that are very absolute in nature such as, 'Everyone is going to know I am anxious,'" says Ortega. "Instead, name and honor the anxiety you are feeling, and choose to do something different about it."

No matter how long or short a time you stayed, putting yourself out there when you have social anxiety is a success in itself.

"It can be helpful to review the past to identify what did not go well and create a plan for the future," says Grosso.

Most people experience some level of social anxiety from time to time, but if you feel highly anxious and worried about social events on an ongoing basis, it's likely your anxiety needs to be addressed.

"The difference between 'work stress' and other types of stressful environments, and social anxiety disorder is that in social anxiety, the fear, anxiety, or avoidance is persistent; the situations are either avoided or cause severe anxiety or panic attacks; and [the anxiety] typically lasts six or more months," says Field. "Also, in social anxiety, the individual is aware that their reaction is excessive.

If social anxiety is interfering with your everyday life, it's best to see a professional specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or one of the mindfulness-based CBTs.