Is Venting Your Feelings *Actually* Productive? The Answer May Surprise You

When a problem is bothering you and you can't seem to think about anything else, you might feel the urge to vent those feelings and get them off your chest. It makes sense, right? Sharing your concerns with a compassionate listener can help you feel understood and supported. And, well, misery loves company, doesn't it?

But when it comes to addressing your problems productively, the science is clear—and a long venting session might not be the best route to take. "If all you do is vent about how you feel, that doesn't actually help people work through [the problem]," says award-winning psychologist Ethan Kross, Ph.D., on the mindbodygreen podcast.

Says Kross, "Venting your emotions to someone else can be really good for strengthening the friendship and relational bonds between two people. It feels good to know that there's someone else out there who cares enough about you that they're willing to take the time to listen." 

The issue emerges when the conversation stops at the end of the venting session. You may feel heard—which is important, to be clear—but you might not actually wind up with a solid plan to move forward. The key, according to Kross, lies in the follow-up: "You want to do two things," he says. "[First,] you want to find someone who does allow you to share a little bit about what you're going through. It is important for you to feel validated, but at a certain point in the conversation, you ideally want the person you're talking to to help broaden your perspective."

What does broadening your perspective look like? There are a few forms it can take: "Maybe [someone] shares with you how they've dealt with similar situations, or they ask you, 'How do you think you might be able to manage this productively? How have you dealt with this in the past? How do you think this is going to impact you long-term?' rather than just getting you to keep on adding logs to the burning fire by continually rehearsing what you felt," suggests Kross.

Within this general structure, the actual process often looks different, depending on the situation. As a listener, you may try to shift the conversation to look at the broader perspective and find that the person venting needs some more time to lay the problem out. "There's an art to doing this," he explains. "My advice is to just feel it out. Ask the person, 'Hey, I get it. I have an idea. Can I share with you?' And sometimes they'll say, 'No, I'm not done. I want to keep going.' Let them go for a little while longer, then try again a little bit later. Other times, in my experience, they're like, 'Please tell me what to do.'"