What Is Love Bombing? 12 Signs In A New Relationship

"Love bombing is a form of emotional manipulation used to gain power over a person by showering them with what appears to be tons of affection and attention," Spirit, Ph.D., LPC, licensed counselor and host of OWN's Love Goals, tells mbg. Anyone can love bomb, but the most common offenders suffer from unhealthy attachment issues or narcissistic traits.

Love bombing is considered unhealthy by many relationship experts because it makes it harder for the other person to maintain their personal boundaries. According to psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, L.P., the goal of love bombing is to make the recipient feel indebted to or dependent on the love-bomber.

Love bombing can sometimes be mistaken for the honeymoon stage of a relationship, but the two have some distinct differences. "In the honeymoon phase, love is shown by a desire to focus on what the other person likes or is interested in," Spinelli tells mbg. "Gestures tend to be thoughtful and not with an intent to impress." Love-bombers, on the other hand, will shower their partner with attention and expect recognition from them and others. 

"Love bombing is also about control, creating dependency and idealization," Spinelli adds. "The honeymoon phase is about exhilarated burgeoning feelings of a new relationship."

Because love-bombers want to be acknowledged for their generosity and attention, they'll often bombard their partner with extravagant gifts. This can feel like an ideal situation at first but eventually will transition to control, criticism, confusing behavior, or even withdrawal if they feel they're not receiving enough appreciation for their gestures, Spinelli says.

Feeling comfortable with someone quickly can be a good sign, but saying "I love you," making plans to meet the parents, move in together, or get married early on can be signs your partner is trying too hard to get close before fully knowing you.  

The main goal of love-bombers is to create envy for others and garner attention and affection for themselves. When giving gifts, compliments, and unwarranted validation of the relationship, they expect to be recognized, rewarded, or worshipped. 

If you suspect you're being love bombed, it's important to set clear and healthy boundaries. According to Spinelli, refusing gifts, setting limitations on time spent together, and responding to overwhelming texts at your own pace are all good places to start.

"You can also communicate firmly you do not want to rush into things and walk away from the relationship if your requests are not respected," she adds. 

Confiding in a support system can also be critical. Friends, family members, support groups, and licensed therapists can help you understand what type of person you're dealing with and how to appropriately respond, Spirit says. "If you think you're being love bombed, focus on getting support for yourself, not the other person."

Love bombing is when a person showers a new partner with intense displays of affection early on in a relationship. It's a manipulative tactic used in relationships to rope someone deeper into a relationship, which often turns unhealthy soon after. If you notice your partner love bombing you or trying to make the relationship move way too quickly, it's important to set boundaries and pay attention to how your partner responds to your request for space.