A Psychologist's 3 Tools To Quiet The Negative Voice Inside Your Head

It happens to us all at some point: You experience a stressful event or face a problem, and you become caught up in a whirlwind of negative self-talk, or what award-winning psychologist Ethan Kross, Ph.D., calls "chatter." 

Of course, the oft-stated advice to just stay positive! doesn't really help. In most cases, it only makes those dark thoughts stronger. So how can you actually conquer the negative voice inside your head? Well, Kross offers a few actionable tools to escape that destructive thought loop. In fact, the very title of his new book is Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How To Harness It. 

The first thing to know about chatter, says Kross, is that it causes you to narrowly zoom in on the problem at hand. "You keep replaying it and think, 'Oh my God, what am I going to do? What does this mean?'" he explains. That's why Kross recommends implementing "self-distancing" tools to help you escape that tunnel-vision mindset. The first tool: distant self-talk, or giving yourself advice in the third person.

"When chatter takes hold, it often feels like everything is wrapped up in this experience and you're never going to break free," says Kross. When in reality, these negative experiences ultimately fade with time. "What this strategy does is reminds us of this phenomenon right in the heat of the moment. It highlights the instability of what you're going through," he explains. 

Finally, Kross says rituals are a powerful chatter-fighting tool. The specific ritual varies from person to person—some, like Kross, like to organize and clean; others prefer to garden or go for a walk—but the key is to engage in something that requires your full attention. 

"[Rituals] provide us with a sense of order and control, which is often lacking when we experience chatter," he says. "A ritual is under your control…it gives you a sense of agency." Plus, focusing on the ritual takes your attention away from the chatter, which can keep those feelings from dominating your psyche. In fact, research has shown that stress can result in ritualized behavior1, such as repetitive movements (like cleaning).