This Is Exactly Where New Relationships Often Go Wrong, Psychologists Say

Relationships are one of the most meaningful aspects of our lives, and we all have an innate desire to give and receive love. So, why is it that so many relationships don't work out?

As the Gottmans tell mbg, many relationships go awry because couples forget to appreciate and honor each other's differences.

Instead of accepting, laughing about, or even being enriched by the differences between each other, one or both partners may try to push the other to be more like them, "and that's where they make a really big mistake," he adds.

This dynamic can result in something called "gridlock conflict," which Julie Gottman describes as two people with different personalities and lifestyle preferences coming together, and "when they try to talk about it, they argue about something on the surface of that conflict rather than going much deeper."

As the adage goes, "You can't expect yourself from others," and this "gridlock conflict" is a perfect example of that. We don't pair up with people to find a carbon copy of ourselves, and in fact, loving and embracing each other's differences is a fundamental part of wholehearted, long-term love.

Being able to accept and appreciate the ways in which your partner is different from you is essential to making each other feel heard, witnessed, and loved. And taking the time to dig deeper when differences do arise can actually be a wonderful opportunity to deepen your intimacy and understand each other more.

For instance, are you really arguing over where to go on vacation, or is it a deeper reflection of your values, interests, and preferences? Are you really fighting about how to discipline your child, or are you both actually revealing something about your own childhood or how you want to raise your child together?

Taking the time to intentionally get to the root of these kinds of conflicts with compassion and understanding will not only help you reach a resolution but honor each other in the process.