5 Tips To Become A Supercommunicator + The Link To Longevity

Close relationships help us live longer—and that’s not just a theory; it’s been proven in research time and time again. At the core of every longevity-feeding relationship is one thing: Great communication. 

According to award-winning journalist and author of Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection Charles Duhigg, becoming a supercommunicator starts with some intentional work.

Step two can even help you identify the type of conversation you're having. Duhigg gives an example: "What I hear you say is this is really bothering you, and you need me to come in and be more of a support to you." If the other party doesn’t want support but rather advice, they can let you know then and there. 

The last step is essential but often forgotten, he says. It allows the other person to clarify their feelings and intentions so you can respond properly. 

Thanks to modern technology, there are plenty of ways to communicate—text, call, video chat, voice message, and more. Each has its valid uses, and none should be dismissed as "poor communication," not even texting.

"It's not that some forms of communication are inherently bad—it's that different forms have their own strengths, weaknesses, and rules," Duhigg says.

For instance, a call might be better than a text if you want to convey sarcasm. For more serious discussions, it’s often best to wait for an in-person meeting rather than calling.

“One thing we know about consistent supercommunicators is that they ask 10 to 20 times more questions than the average person,” Duhigg says. But these aren’t just any questions—they ask deep questions about people’s values, beliefs, or experiences.

This might sound intimidating, but Duhigg boils it down to a simple rule: “Instead of asking about the facts of someone’s life, ask how they feel about their life, and it will inevitably lead to a deep conversation.”

For example, if someone mentions they went to a university in Ohio, don’t just ask which city it’s in. Instead, ask what made them choose that university or why they picked the major they did. 

When life gets busy, it's easy to fall out of consistent communication, even with those you care about. Rather than trying to keep up with frequent but quick conversations, Duhigg suggests opting for quality over quantity.

“If there is someone special in your life, set up a time at least once a year and set aside an hour and a half to call them and catch up,” he says.

He also advises acknowledging that the first 10 minutes might be a bit awkward—and that's okay. “But after you get over those first 10 minutes, it's going to be magical.”

That one phone call, whether it’s once a year or once a month, is incredibly valuable and worth investing time in—however much time you can spare.

Communication is the pathway to close relationships and a skill worth practicing. Start by asking deeper questions, looping for understanding, and identifying what conversation you’re having at the moment.