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Gabby Bernstein’s Four Steps to Lasting Confidence & Calm
Imagine having a tool to navigate anxiety, overcome self-doubt, and build deeper connections—not in years of therapy, but in the moment. That’s exactly what Gabby Bernstein, spiritual teacher and No. 1 New York Times bestselling author, offers in her latest book, Self-Help.
In it, she distills the principles of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy into an accessible four-step process that anyone can use to connect with their most calm, compassionate, and confident self.
What is IFS?
On the mindbodygreen podcast, Gabby describes IFS as “a non-pathologizing therapy model designed to bring compassion, connection, curiosity, and joy to every part of who you are.”
Developed by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D., IFS views our beliefs, behaviors, and emotional reactions as “protector parts” of ourselves. These parts develop to shield us from painful experiences, often stemming from childhood.
Instead of judging these patterns, we can shift our mindset to see them as protective mechanisms—tools that have been keeping us safe but do not define us.
The goal of IFS isn’t to suppress or ignore these parts but to compassionately engage with them, creating harmony within. Gabby’s four-step process makes this practice actionable and approachable.
Gabby’s 4-step process for healing
- Check inThe next time you feel triggered or overwhelmed, pause. Instead of “checking out” with distractions like your phone or food, turn inward. “Focus your attention on what you’re feeling in the moment,” Gabby advises.
- Get curiousAsk yourself questions: Where is this feeling in my body? How long has it been there? What might it be trying to tell me? Gabby explains that curiosity allows you to connect with that part of yourself rather than push it away.
- Offer compassionate connectionOnce you understand what this part of you needs—safety, love, acknowledgment—give it to yourself. Gabby recommends placing a hand on your heart, taking a deep breath, and saying, “I’m here for you.”
- Access your self-energyFinally, tune into your inner calm, clarity, and confidence. Gabby describes this as reconnecting with your “internal therapist” or “self-energy.” She says, “When we give compassion to these younger parts of ourselves, they soften and settle. We feel safe in real time—not after decades of therapy, but right now.”
How this process transforms your life
Gabby emphasizes that these steps can be done anytime—while journaling, during a moment of anxiety, or even in your morning routine. She uses them daily, starting her mornings by checking in with her first thought or feeling instead of rushing or reaching for her phone.
“Mastering this process allows you to stop checking out and start checking in,” she explains, allowing you to create a place of safety and relief inside yourself.
This practice is especially powerful for managing anxiety, which Gabby views as a protective part. Instead of running from it, she suggests asking, “Where is this anxiety in my body? What does it need?”
From there, you can provide the care it’s seeking, whether that’s a deep breath or simply acknowledging the feeling.
The takeaway
Gabby’s four-step process isn’t about reinventing yourself; it’s about reconnecting with the calm, compassionate self already within you. As Gabby says, “If you want to know how to change a habit, this is it.”
She encourages integrating this process into daily life. The more you do it, the more confidence and connection you’ll feel.
Ready to transform your relationship with yourself? Start by simply checking in.
