What To Do If You're Trapped In A Toxic Family Situation, Royal Or Not

During a tell-all interview with Oprah Winfrey, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry reveal they were trapped in a toxic situation. Quite literally, as Markle was advised to remain inside palace walls (pre-pandemic, we should add) and keep a low profile to evade the tabloids, but she felt trapped mentally as well—suffering through the emotional turmoil of an unhealthy family environment but unable to see her way out. 

While the word toxic can be overused, identifying toxic family dynamics and beginning to work through those situations, as the couple shared on Sunday evening, is tough but important. It's a common occurrence among the queer community, when family members can be unaccepting and, at times, abusive. And that's just one example. But just like Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, you can nudge your way out of an unsafe family environment. You always have options, and you're never alone. 

Setting boundaries is important—but enforcing them is a different ballgame. When a toxic family member tries to push your boundaries, having clear consequences is key. According to clinical psychologist Perpetua Neo, DClinPsy, it can be as simple as, "If you do (action), I will (consequence)." Many experts even recommend writing your limits on a piece of paper; that way, you'll know exactly how to articulate your needs in real-time and how to respond when someone crosses the line.

"Know you have permission to do that," she says. "The only way to get the life of peace and sanity that you want is to give yourself that by asking for it." Of course, it's much easier said than done, but as Neo notes, "It's all about practice." 

If you do opt for a limited or no-contact relationship, try to prepare for your next move as best you can. This includes the logistics (are you comfortable articulating your plans face-to-face, or would you prefer to send a voicemail or even an email?), but also managing how you'll handle that relationship—or lack thereof. 

"This might mean blocking them via all communication options and not checking up on their social media," says Neo. "It's a needless hemorrhaging of your energy." 

"Our past can be a source of shame and trauma, and if you don't own it, it will own you," says Neo. She explains that those who experience trauma might be subconsciously attracted to similar situations—a phenomenon known as repetition compulsion. "The brain draws us to such situations to try to resolve the trauma," she says.