Gaslighting & 4 Other Control Tactics To Watch Out For In Relationships, According To Research

The term "gaslighting" has undoubtedly made its way into the relationship zeitgeist in recent years, with more and more people able to recognize when they're being gaslit.

For this study, 65 survivors of gaslighting filled out an open-ended questionnaire on what they'd gone through in previous abusive relationships. To be clear, this study notes that gaslighting and coercive control are forms of intimate partner violence (IPV).

The questionnaire included questions on specific instances of gaslighting, as well as personal effects and consequences, recovering from IPV, and how the relationship impacted survivors' sense of self.

Naturally, this research was about gaslighting to begin with, so all of the participants detailed when and how they'd been gaslit in the past.

Love bombing—a form of emotional manipulation used to gain power over a person by showering them with what appears to be tons of affection and attention—was another common control tactic reported in the study.

Many of the participants reported that their gaslighters were affectionate one moment and then explosive the next. "These fluctuations occurred either on a moment-to-moment time span, or over longer periods of time (i.e., days or weeks)," the study authors note.

Isolation was another standout tactic identified by this study as a form of manipulative control, primarily through the gaslighter expressing negative opinions about participants' friends or family.

Lastly, cold-shouldering was another common control tactic reported by gaslighting survivors, with one participant even noting that when she broke her partner's "rules," he would glare at her "with these eyes totally devoid of emotion except hatred and almost shaking, then give me the silent treatment for a few hours."

We only just scratched the surface of the findings of this research, and if you have the time, the full study is published online and worth a poke through if you've ever experienced (or are currently experiencing) emotional abuse. But ultimately, these findings make one thing abundantly clear: Emotional manipulation is rampant, and it's essential to be able to spot it.

The good news is, while survivors of gaslighting relationships did report a diminished sense of self and increased guardedness after the relationship ended, some participants experienced post-traumatic growth, in which they focused on establishing healthier relationship boundaries and/or having a clearer and stronger sense of self.

The most reported activity in recovering from a gaslighting relationship was socializing and, namely, reengaging with others and doing things that helped survivors regain their sense of self, such as creative hobbies like art or writing.

Gaslighting gets thrown around a lot nowadays, but don't underestimate the profound impact this form of abuse can have on someone's sense of self. The path to recovering from a gaslighting relationship will take time and self-care, but it is possible to experience growth and a stronger self-concept on the other side.