How To Navigate The Addicting World Of Self-Help Consumerism, From Experts

Self-help can be life-changing for some, even lifesaving for others. However, there's an underlying slippery slope and capitalistic aspect to the self-help world that, more often than not, gets overlooked entirely. 

While an "addiction" to self-help is obviously starkly different from other addictions, it still involves chasing a high of some sort.

This high generally comes up around the time you start a new habit, self-help book, or personal growth program. "There's an initial rush when we connect with something that seems like it can solve our problems," clinical psychologist Chloe Charmichael, Ph.D., explains. 

From there, your brain begins to focus on a different, theoretical version of yourself, or what psychologists call your "aspirational self," Carmichael says. At first, this new habit might make you feel like you're finally doing it, evolving into your ideal self and closing the gap between who you've been and who you want to be. (Someone who is more organized, super fit, more loving in relationships, etc.) 

When it doesn't quite work out that way, for whatever reason, you're likely left disappointed, feeling like you need yet another book or program to "fix" yourself. Then, you might immediately jump to your next goal without pause or reflection.

The hardest part of this self-help addiction is that, on the surface, it doesn't seem toxic at all—it even masks as beneficial.

There's immense societal pressure to continue to evolve at warp speed. But when you spend your days constantly absorbing new information about any given self-help topic without giving your brain a minute to reflect, it's easy to become overwhelmed.

Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC, a therapist who's seen self-help addiction firsthand, says that in these situations, it helps to remember that evolution doesn't need to always be guided by a book or paid program—it can, in fact, just happen. 

By this logic, the best thing you can do for yourself in moments of overwhelm is to take a solid break. "There have been times when I say [to clients], 'I don't want you to read anything. I think you're working too hard. Just slow down and pay attention,'" Caraballo notes.

Now to the good news: There's so much benefit to working on one aspect of yourself at a time, especially if it's something you've wanted to do for a while. And self-help isn't a lost cause just because you haven't seen any tangible progress, you're addicted to the chase, or you've never found a program that sticks.

Rather than setting overarching goals based on what you think you should want, make your goals tangible and applicable to your life. As Caraballo explains, attaching your goal to something you truly care about will make it easier to navigate what will and won't work for you in regard to programs, books, etc.

If you want to get more fit but you've never cared about weight or numbers, then don't make your end goal a number. Instead, think about why you want to be fit, like having the stamina to play with your kids or feeling more confident in your body. 

This step is essential because if you're not sure of your goal, you can't measure progress. "If you start something like meditation, for example, but never knew what you wanted out of it, then it can get really muddy," life coach and writer Alex Shea tells mbg. 

When you've tried meditating for a week but don't see any "progress," then you might be tempted to quit and move on, for example. The problem, Shea explains, is that you didn't know what you were looking for in the first place. 

Self-help doesn't have to be a full-time job. "There may be things you can always work on, but you don't always have to be working on them," Caraballo says. "You can start and stop or take breaks," he adds.

It's OK, and even beneficial, to have an era when you're consuming information and another era when you're simply observing. Swinging back and forth between the two will help you stay motivated, prevent burnout, and overcome the temptation to jump to a new goal right away.