This Yes-No-Maybe List Can Help Couples Explore Their Wildest Sexual Fantasies

The Yes/No/Maybe list is an activity designed to help partners explore and share their erotic interests, including what they'd be curious about trying, what they already know they love from past experiences, and what's a no-go. It's perfect for couples or any set of sexual partners interested in learning about each other's fantasies and seeing what overlapping areas of interest exist between them.

So, how does it work?

The list goes on! And it can get detailed.

Some versions of the Yes/No/Maybe list—like this one from AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A., CST—also feature a fourth option: open to fantasizing about it but not actually doing it IRL (which is an important and often helpful distinction "because many people are aroused by the idea of certain acts but wouldn't want to actually do it," she tells mbg.)

Each person will fill out their copy of the list separately and in private—and the privacy is key here because you want to feel open to answer totally honestly without feeling influenced by the way your partner reacts to a certain line item.

The activity is often recommended by sex therapists because it allows partners to easily get to know each other's most intimate desires, exposes them to new ideas they may not have considered but find intriguing, and gives them an easy way to bring up a kinky interest that perhaps they haven't been able to talk about thus far.

"I think these are wonderful tools to explore erotic interests, but they are even better to open conversation," Zimmerman adds.

That is, in addition to being a great source of inspiration, perhaps the biggest benefit of the Yes/No/Maybe list is that it simply opens up the lines of communication.

Couples can sometimes go years without ever meaningfully talking about their sex life, and it does them a great disservice. We know from research that people who talk more about sex tend to have more satisfying sex lives, whereas those who have less sexual communication tend to enjoy their sex life less, too.

"If neither partner knows what the other's expectations, desires, or needs are around sex, there isn't much chance of continually making it better," AASECT-certified sex therapist Holly Richmond, Ph.D., LMFT, CST, previously told mbg. "Couples that talk about sex can have better, more exciting sex the longer they are in the relationship, which is exactly the opposite of what we've been told to believe, that sex gets worse or more boring the longer you are together."

Find a copy of the Yes/No/Maybe list that speaks to you. We love the one from Zimmerman linked above; or you could also try this one from AASECT-certified sex therapist Diana Sadat, RCC, CST; this one from sex educator Sunny Megatron; or any other you're vibing with.

"I recommend people treat this exercise as a discussion starter, with curiosity and without judgment," says Zimmerman. That includes judgment toward your partner and judgment toward yourself.

Exploring sexual interests with a partner can be an extremely fun activity, but it can also be vulnerable stuff. Stay open-minded and affirming with each other as you talk through your lists while also being vocal about your boundaries and respectful of the other person's.

(Remember: A relationship becomes safer, and feels all the closer and warmer, the more we're able to say no to each other with ease. So, celebrate each other's "no"! It brings you closer every time you do.)

The Yes/No/Maybe list is a lighthearted, straightforward, yet eye-opening way to kick off a conversation with partners about the things that turn you both on.