Why Aftercare Is Important After All Kinds Of Sex, Not Just BDSM

Aftercare is the time a couple devotes to cuddling, talking, and caring for each other after sex. Aftercare is considered essential following BDSM because it ensures both partners feel at ease and ready to rejoin the real world, particularly after intense kink play.

Couples who practice aftercare will naturally develop closer, more intimate bonds with their partners than those who don't. After sex, we're particularly vulnerable. We're naked, we've (hopefully) just had an orgasm, and our bodies are awash in oxytocin and dopamine. We need to ensure that positive state of mind continues. "Everyone feels good when they know their partner cares for them, and what better way to show it than tending to them when they are in a vulnerable post-sex state of mind?" says licensed psychotherapist and couples therapist Pam Saffer, LMFT.

"Prioritizing time [for] aftercare provides space to improve emotional intimacy, sharing and validating positive emotions. It really encourages couples to share open communication and express love [and] kindness toward each other either verbally or through affectionate touch," adds Kristine D'Angelo, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist.

It doesn't matter if you're friends with benefits, in a long-term relationship, a one-night-stand, or married; aftercare is still important. While it may seem odd to engage in aftercare with someone you're not seriously dating, it's still important. It's not about making someone fall in love with you or trying to make a more serious relationship out of something casual. It's about making sure everyone is cared for with respect and tenderness so that they can leave a sexual experience feeling good about themselves.

While sex is not shameful and should be enjoyed (safely) by one and all, it can sometimes bring up feelings of shame due to the sex-negative messages many of us faced growing up. While the logical mind tells us that sex is normal and healthy, our subconscious can store these shameful messages.

After sex, after that delicious post-orgasmic high, your body can suddenly unearth the subconscious shame. This might be especially relevant if one or more parties was raised within a conservative or religious background

Have you ever felt like crying after sex? You know, when you have a truly amazing orgasm and then feel sad for no reason? This is called "post-coital dysphoria," or the post-sex blues. It's believed to come from the euphoric rush and sudden comedown that follows intense sexual pleasure. It is the brain's way of recalibrating.

Research has shown1 that nearly half of men and women have experienced PCD at some point in their lives.

Aftercare is the salve that soothes these sad feelings. "Sometimes people can feel alienated from their partners after the euphoric feelings from sex wear off," Shaffer explains. "Aftercare routines can help them to feel close in a purposeful way."

Sex is very fun, but it can be an emotionally fraught thing in addition to all the pleasures, so we need to take precautions to ensure that everyone walks away from the experience feeling positive and good about themselves.