You Know Saying 'No' Is Important For A Healthy Life. Here's How To Actually Do it

But even with a group as diverse as this, I can say with confidence that the majority of my clients have one underlying problem that has led them to my office. They have not yet learned to say "no." If you have not yet developed the skill to consciously use this one small word, your emotional health will suffer greatly over the long term.

I know it's very hard to think about letting someone you care about down or falling short of someone’s expectation of you. Sometimes saying "no" can even be heartbreaking to someone else. But so is saying "yes" when you don’t really mean it.

If you find that you are spending your time participating in activities or arrangements that make you feel resentful, exhausted, or down on yourself, here are five ways to start cultivating the healthy habit of saying "no":

Your body is very wise and will often tell you if something isn't right. A teacher of mine once said that your body sends you all kinds of signals when something isn’t working for you. When you don’t listen, it drops a proverbial piano on your head. Next time something is asked of you, see if you can tap into those signals your body is sending early on, and let that be your guide.

Consciously ask yourself, "Do I really want to do this?" If the answer isn’t clear, you may want to consider writing about it as a way to think it through. Or if it is a complex choice, talk it over with someone you trust. When you make it a habit to say yes without thinking, it takes some time and active work to relearn how to hear that inner voice that tells you whether or not you truly want something.

I once had a supervisor who never said yes to any request without first saying, "Let me think about it." Even if the idea was a no-brainer and I knew she would approve it, she habitually bought herself some time to think things through. I thought it was brilliant. There are very few requests, invitations, or propositions that need to be answered right away. As somebody who's had to learn that it's OK to say "no," I still notice my initial reaction to almost any request of me is a cheerful "sure!" I've had to learn to take some time to think about what is being asked of me before I answer.

Before you find yourself in a therapist’s office wondering how you ended up in this marriage or that job or whatever city you are in, start by practicing saying "no" to small things first. This can be to telemarketers, the up-sell at a store, or a social invitation you really don't feel like accepting. The more you practice declining the invitations and things you do not want, the better equipped you'll be to decline the bigger propositions in life.

Learning to say "no" when you authentically mean "no" is a life skill. For some people, it comes quite naturally. For others, it requires habitual practice and conscious use. It may not feel right at first, but it's necessary for living life truthfully and a skill that will promote good overall emotional health.