Advertisement
This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.
Close Banner
Advertisement
This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.

The One Ingredient Every Couple Needs For A Lasting Relationship

Kelly Gonsalves
Author:
September 22, 2024
Kelly Gonsalves
Contributing Sex & Relationships Editor
By Kelly Gonsalves
Contributing Sex & Relationships Editor
Kelly Gonsalves is a sex educator, relationship coach, and journalist. She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere.
Image by Javier Díez / Stocksy
September 22, 2024
We carefully vet all products and services featured on mindbodygreen using our commerce guidelines. Our selections are never influenced by the commissions earned from our links.

There are lots of qualities that typically get attention when talking about what makes a healthy relationship: trust, honesty, and communication tend to be the big ones.

But according to licensed marriage therapist Beverley Andre, LMFT, there's one quality that's fully necessary for a relationship to thrive that people rarely talk about: intentionality.

How intentionality makes or breaks relationships

"Intentional means doing the mental work, aka planning," Andre tells mbg.

A funny thing that happens in relationships, particularly ones that have lasted a long while, is we tend to go on autopilot. A couple will establish a cadence or dynamic that they settle into—including how they interact with each other, what their daily and weekly routines look like, what they talk about, and even how and when they show affection—and they keep at it until an issue comes up. In fact, they may be so married to their familiar patterns of us-ness that they may even just sweep issues under the rug for as long as they can, only finally addressing them head-on once they've gotten too big to ignore.

But as Andre notes, relationships require proactive nurturing—not just reactive responses to issues. That's where intentionality comes in.

"If you want to nurture your relationship, you have to think ahead and figure out all the pieces and parts of what it will take to actually improve your relationship," she explains.

Being intentional in your relationship means regularly thinking about what the relationship needs to function better and ultimately grow, and then actually taking concrete steps now to make that happen before issues arise. "You're making it a priority, instead of an afterthought," she notes.

Instead of waking up one day and wondering, "How did my relationship get here?" or "How do we fix this?" you're proactively nourishing your relationship so that serious challenges are less likely to appear or less likely to significantly threaten your relationship when they do. As Andre puts it, "You won't have to worry about the grass being greener on the other side if you're intentional about watering your own on a schedule."

How to be more intentional in your relationship

OK, so what does this actually look like in practice?

Andre recommends taking small steps to improve your relationship. That might include proactively having a conversation about how the two of you approach conflict, for example, or it might look like taking the time to cultivate a culture of more appreciation and goodwill in your relationship. If you haven't already, Andre also suggests learning about your and your partner's love languages and finding ways to express more affection in those ways.

"One recommendation I have for couples to nurture their relationship is to do an intention challenge," Andre recommends. "To do the intention challenge, all you have to do is create a list of 12 things, which can be a mixture of gifts and gestures, to do for your partner once a month. That's it—nice and simple."

However you choose to approach intentionality in your relationship, the point is to simply prioritize it as a couple. When you're both engaged and taking steps to strengthen your connection, the relationship is more likely to be able to thrive even in the face of life's inevitable hardships. 

Watch Next

Enjoy some of our favorite clips from classes

Watch Next

Enjoy some of our favorite clips from classes

What Is Meditation?

Mindfulness/Spirituality | Light Watkins

Box Breathing

Mindfulness/Spirituality | Gwen Dittmar

What Breathwork Can Address

Mindfulness/Spirituality | Gwen Dittmar

The 8 Limbs of Yoga - What is Asana?

Yoga | Caley Alyssa

Two Standing Postures to Open Up Tight Hips

Yoga | Caley Alyssa

How Plants Can Optimize Athletic Performance

Nutrition | Rich Roll

What to Eat Before a Workout

Nutrition | Rich Roll

How Ayurveda Helps Us Navigate Modern Life

Nutrition | Sahara Rose

Messages About Love & Relationships

Love & Relationships | Esther Perel

Love Languages

Love & Relationships | Esther Perel

Related Videos (10)

What Is Meditation?

Box Breathing

What Breathwork Can Address

The 8 Limbs of Yoga - What is Asana?

Two Standing Postures to Open Up Tight Hips

How Plants Can Optimize Athletic Performance

What to Eat Before a Workout

How Ayurveda Helps Us Navigate Modern Life

Messages About Love & Relationships

Love Languages

Advertisement
This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.

More On This Topic

more Relationships
Advertisement
This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.
Advertisement
This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.