Stop Setting New Year's Resolutions & Do This Instead, From A Therapist

“What’s your New Year’s resolution?” can be a dreaded question around the holiday table. Sure, New Year's goals are great for some people, but for others, they're a source of unnecessary pressure and anxiety.

Therapist and founder of Ellie Mental Health Erin Pash, MA, LMFT, says that New Year’s resolutions often fail not because we can’t achieve our goals but because our goals are often unrealistic. 

For example, going from working out once a month to waking up at five in the morning to work out every single day is a huge lifestyle, schedule, and mindset shift. The energy of New Year’s might help you keep up with this goal for a week or so, but your resolve will likely begin to dwindle eventually, Pash explains.

To be clear, this isn’t a result of laziness; it’s just what's bound to happen when you go from level 0 to 100 in one single day. Getting your body used to a new schedule and pattern takes time. 

“If you want to change your habits and become healthier, you don’t need an event to make that happen,” Pash says, declaring that “Small daily habit changes will get you better results.” 

Think of it like this: You’re not going to see a huge change in the look of your bicep after weightlifting for just two weeks, so the true reward is how you feel and the habit you’re building. If you work out this muscle too much too quickly for those 14 days, you’ll risk injury, which would put you right back where you started. On the flip side, you can begin to focus on your bicep growth by going to the gym twice a week and go up from there. Your muscles will have time to recover, your schedule will be more flexible, and at the two-week mark, you’ll feel more inspired to keep going, given you haven’t wrung yourself dry.

Everyone is different, but the general lesson rings through: If you want to stay committed and make a lasting lifestyle change in the New Year, starting small is your best bet. 

Pash recommends committing to 30-day goals instead, given these goals can be less daunting and easily built upon. For those looking to get into the gym three or four days a week, consider building habits on the off-days as well, just on a lower scale, for the sake of habit-building in your brain. 

For example, if you aren’t going to the gym, then go for a walk or do some stretching. The real habit is dedicating time to exercise, not just in the gym.

Whether or not 30 days is enough to build a habit fully is up for debate—people often say 21 days is enough, but some research suggests 10 weeks is a clearer threshold1. The real benefit accompanying a short-term goal is that you can start small and see where you're at, growing with your goals rather than trying to catch up to them.