When Is The Right Time To Say "I Love You" In A New Relationship?

How long you should wait before saying "I love you" depends on what you believe that statement means. Some people take months or even years to confess their love because they believe "I love you" holds great meaning and want to wait until they're absolutely sure about how they feel, says clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D. "Some people, however, use the term 'love' rather loosely; in this case, saying 'I love you' can feel appropriate in the first few weeks or months."

It's likely too soon to say "I love you" if you don't actually know the person that well, which is a sign you might be confusing love and infatuation. Infatuation is a strong feeling of attraction and fixation toward someone, whereas love involves feeling intimately bonded and close to someone. Feelings of "love" felt in the early days or weeks of a relationship are often actually feelings of infatuation, Manly explains.

"Truly loving someone means that you see them for who they are and are willing to accept them with both their strengths and their weaknesses; this type of love cannot arise through a series of short dates or fabulous sexual encounters," Manly says.

That said, feelings of love can happen within just a few weeks of knowing someone, according to both Manly and licensed couples' therapist Lexx Brown-James, Ph.D., LMFT. "Depending on the amount of time spent together and the depth of the interactions, true love can certainly be experienced—and expressed—within several weeks of deep, intentional interactions," Manly says.

In general, if two people love each other, it doesn't matter who says "I love you" first. If you're not sure whether your partner feels the same way you do, you can still tell them how you feel—just be mindful of why you're doing it. If you just want to let them know where your heart is at and don't mind whether or not your feelings are reciprocated, go for it.

"There is so much taboo around what 'I love you' means and who we say it to," Brown-James says. "I suggest taking a bit of time to inventory your feelings. Honoring your feelings of vulnerability is risky and can be scary. It is, however, a way to build intimacy."

That said, Manly points out that those three little words can carry a lot of weight for some people, so it's worth considering how your confession might affect them and your relationship. "A person's proclamation of love can bring a 'not-so-ready' person closer, yet it can also scare someone away," she says.

Your relationship isn't over just because your partner doesn't say "I love you" back to you the first time you say it, says Brown-James. "If there is rejection, it can hurt. It also doesn't mean the relationship has to end right then and there," she says. "Instead, it can take time to build toward that feeling for a lover."

There's no way to make someone fall in love with you, and Brown-James recommends against trying to speed up the process because it can make the other person uncomfortable if they feel pressured. That said, there are ways to grow your emotional connection with someone, which can help foster feelings of intimacy.

When to say "I love you" for the first time depends on the circumstances in the relationship, what you're hoping happens once you confess, and whether you earnestly feel in love.