11 Reasons A Guy Might Not Want To Sleep With You & What To Do

There's still a common assumption that all men always want sex all the time any time it's available to them—and that's simply not true. There are many reasons a guy might not want to have sex with someone, ranging from a lack of interest in that person to a lack of interest in sex in general. If your crush or boyfriend doesn't want to sleep with you, here are some of the many things that could mean and what you should do next:

Sometimes a guy is just not in the mood to have sex, and there's not really any deeper meaning to it. Maybe your date with him that night was more goofy and chummy than sexy and flirty, so his head was just not in a sexual zone. It doesn't necessarily mean he's not interested in you or that he wouldn't want to have sex with you at another time.

That said, a lack of interest in sex doesn't necessarily mean that a guy doesn't want to date you. Some people prefer to take their time and wait until things are more serious before having sex with someone, and some people are simply not as interested in sex as they are in other aspects of getting to know a new partner. If you're not sure where your guy stands, it's best to just ask him about it, ideally in a nonsexual setting.

"Intimacy is vast and is defined differently by everyone," clinical sexologist Kristie Overstreet, Ph.D., writes at mbg. Not everyone needs emotions to be involved in sex, but for some people, "Emotional intimacy often bolsters sexual intimacy."

Sometimes people have a specific idea of how they want sexual experiences to go, particularly when it comes to having sex for the first time with a new partner. It's possible that your guy does want to have sex with you and just wants to wait for a particularly sexy, romantic, or passionate moment to do it. If there are other signs of attraction between you, sex might be right around the corner.

Not everyone is great at sensing when someone wants to have sex with them. If a guy isn't sure whether his partner wants sex, he might avoid initiating sex because he doesn't want them to be uncomfortable. Alternatively, he may not even have sex on his radar because he doesn't know you're thinking about him in that way—and maybe he would want it if he realized you were interested.

If this is the case for your guy, it might be worth just opening up a conversation about what sex means to you and what kind of sex life you envision for your relationship, so you two can get on the same page.

It's possible your guy has a lot on his plate right now that's making it hard to concentrate on having fun and getting turned on. In fact, he may prefer more low-key activities like watching movies, getting dinner, and having fun conversations because they help him relax in an otherwise stressful time.

Depression is linked to lower libido1, as are antidepressants. If you're dating someone with depression, it's possible that their mental health may be affecting their interest in sex.

There can sometimes be other root causes of a lowered libido tied to overall health, from heart disease to diabetes to hormonal imbalances. Some health medications can also affect a person's sex drive, functional medicine practitioner Will Cole, IFMCP, DNM, D.C., writes at mbg. "Common medications like antidepressants, blood pressure medications, painkillers, and antihistamines can cause low sex drive and erectile dysfunction in some people2."

If you suspect your guy's nerves are getting the best of him, it can help to just signal to him that you're attracted to him and do want to have sex with him and that he doesn't have to worry about meeting some standard. Help him relax and have fun.

"While some people are happy to still share sex with their partner despite any negativity in the relationship, plenty of people of all genders are going to avoid it," Zimmerman says. "And sometimes people withhold sex out of anger and frustration."

If you're already in a committed, serious, or exclusive relationship of some sort with this person, find a good time to ask them how they feel about sex and how they see your shared sex life together. Ask if there's any particular reason he hasn't been interested in sex, and see if there's anything you can do to address his concern.

If a guy directly tells you he doesn't want to have sex with you, take no for an answer. Never pressure someone into having sex when they don't want to have it. Likewise, if you try to initiate sex and he rebuffs you, let it go and give him space. If you're interested in dating this person or are in a relationship with him already, find a time to open up a conversation about sex in a nonsexual setting that feels relaxed, open, and nonthreatening.

If neither of you has initiated sex yet on a date, don't be afraid to make the first move! Your guy might be waiting for a clear signal that you're sexually interested, so go in on the flirting or start a heavy makeout session and see where things go. If he's not into it, refer to the above two tips and back off.

Sometimes people just need time to warm up, get comfortable, or get to know a new partner better before they're ready to have sex. Or if your guy has been dealing with stress or another issue that's been affecting his libido, give him the time and support he needs. You can express that sex is on your mind if you'd like so he knows where you're at while also giving him compassion and patience.

It's important to be willing to let a relationship go if you two aren't aligned with what you want. If he's not interested in you or if you have different sexual needs, you may need to accept that you two aren't compatible and be willing to walk away.