What Love Stage Is Your Relationship In? (A Quiz)

___ I’m amazed at how much we dovetail. It feels like we’re one person!

___ We’re linked in a special way. I don’t think many people have felt a love like this.

___ We sleep close together. In fact, I can’t imagine sleeping apart.

___ I think I’ve found the perfect person, who satisfies almost all my needs. I don’t even feel like I need my friends anymore!

___ I don’t believe there are any red flags about this person; s/he seems almost perfect.

___ I don’t feel complete unless we’re together.

___ What I used to find sexy, funny, or exciting about him/her has started to irritate me.

___ I’m more critical, and he/she has begun to criticize me, too.

___ We sleep farther apart now.

___ Our sexual connection doesn’t feel magical and doesn’t happen as easily (although I often pretend it does).

___ I see many worrisome flaws in him/her and wonder how I missed them.

___ I realize we don’t have as much in common as I thought we did.

___ We argue about the same things over and over.

___ I find myself getting (secretly) bored, and even annoyed, by the same old stories he/she tells.

___ I no longer feel I can share my real thoughts with him/her.

___ I often stay angry about things he/she has said or done. When we try to talk about problems, I feel defensive.

___ We seem sexually incompatible so often now.

___ I wonder whether I even like him/her anymore.

___ I’m happier doing things alone or with my friends.

___ I wonder whether our relationship is beyond repair.

___ I’m exhausted by the struggles in our relationship.

___ I worry that my health is going to suffer—or already has—because of the stress.

___ I’ve thought about separation, and I fantasize about my life away from this relationship.

___ I see I’m part of the problem, and I need to change if I want to make this relationship a great one.

___ I’m willing to have difficult conversations and to listen, open to what I hear. I can say what’s on my mind freely from a place of trust.

___ I see big differences in how we experience and react to situations. I can accept these differences more easily than I used to although they still may be hard.

___ I love to sleep with my partner but also on my own.

___ In some ways, I feel more in love than ever but also OK not to feel intensely all the time. I feel more whole and together inside.

___ Our sex life is fulfilling. When sex doesn’t work, though, we can laugh and let it go.

We’ve learned to practice the skills to make each of us whole. We’ve know how to let go of grievances quickly, to ask for and receive forgiveness, and to recognize the need to make our own life work from the inside out.

The stages spiral by nature. We can regain the bliss of the first stage only to become disillusioned and then bounce back into wholeheartedness. Like any good yoga practice, flexibility and resilience can be developed to weather the dynamics of any relationship.