I Had My Heart Broken During The Pandemic — Here Are 12 Tools I Used To Heal

Ten years later, I find myself nursing a broken heart once again—only this time, I know exactly what I need to do to heal and grow. These are the 12 tools I recommend personally and professionally to help navigate breakup pain and become better because of it:

In other words: If you're hankering for a "fix" of love and you're still in contact with your ex, you're more vulnerable to getting back into an unhealthy dynamic. (Here: why the "no-contact" rule is the best way to get over a relationship.)

It's also important to ensure you're not ignoring your basic needs. Try to eat every few hours (even if you're not feeling hungry), prioritize sleep, and don't be afraid to ask your doctor for extra help if you need it—some people may be prescribed a temporary antidepressant, sleep, or anti-anxiety medication at this time.

So in a way, the loneliness of heartbreak can actually be a deeply connecting experience. Listen to the lyrics of heartbreak songs, check the Reddit thread on breakups, or listen to my podcast Better Because of It, where I interview formerly heartbroken folks about their breakups and journeys to healing.

Understanding how your attachment style played a role in your previous relationship can make it much easier to heal from the breakup—or at least make sense of why it happened. It can also help us home in on which parts of ourselves we could benefit from healing, which can lead to a healthier and more secure attachment.

Just know that eventually, you will have to feel in order to heal. You can just see it as productive "work" that's necessary to get to the other side. I recommend journaling, listening to music, creating art, speaking to a therapist, and getting into your body as that's where grief is held: Yoga, dance, walking, acupuncture, and massage are a few modalities that have been really helpful for me during this time.

Validate your temporary emotional experience, offer yourself words of encouragement, and set realistic expectations for your mood, performance, and productivity. Perhaps most importantly, remember that healing is messy and nonlinear.

While perfectionism (and social media) lies to us by suggesting we can get to a point where we no longer feel pain, the truth is: As long as we're alive, we're vulnerable to difficult emotions. By catapulting us into an unavoidable period of discomfort, heartbreak provides ample opportunity for learning to tolerate difficult emotions and showing up for ourselves during challenging times. And ultimately, that's what leads to resilience. 

Even if your tendency is to isolate, try to push yourself to reach out to friends and family whom you don't have to be "on" around. Ideally, they will support you and remind you of how worthy you are.

Just don't expect these things will be fun or evoke joy right away. If they do, that's great! But know that grief mimics depression, and it can be very difficult to find joy in anything for a while—what matters is that you're trying.

A huge part of healing from heartbreak is rebuilding your life without your ex. Rearrange your space, join a team, start going to a new coffee shop—make an effort to (re)build a beautiful life without them. 

Think DIY hair masks, at-home manicures, and even a new wardrobe, depending on your budget and your interests.

As long as we keep reminding ourselves to surrender and trust that we're on our way to somewhere incredible, it makes the journey far less agonizing.