15 Toxic Traits To Watch For In Relationships, From Psychologists

To answer these questions and more, we got the lowdown from relationship experts. Here's how to spot toxic traits in relationships, and in yourself.

And as doctor of clinical psychology Perpetua Neo, DClinPsy, previously wrote for mindbodygreen, someone doesn't necessarily have to be a toxic person to engage in toxic behaviors. "There's a difference between being toxic and acting toxic. The first is when it's ingrained in our personality, and we actively enjoy hurting others; the second corresponds to aspects of our behaviors," she writes.

First, the obvious: Any form of abuse is definitely toxic. While you might be quick to think of physical abuse, emotional and verbal abuse also count, whether this person bullies you, invalidates you, gaslights you, screams at you, or worse. Abuse should never be tolerated, and if someone is abusing you, they are toxic and should not be in your life.

Manipulation encompasses a number of different behaviors—all of which are toxic, and some could even be considered abusive. As Campbell tells mindbodygreen, some common examples include gaslighting (when someone makes you question your own reality and feelings), projection, guilt tripping, stonewalling, never-ending arguments with no closure, and more.

Who among us wants to be constantly criticized or judged? Judgmental people can be toxic to your well-being by quietly (or not so quietly) undermining your sense of self, according to Campbell, who adds that their judgment will often come from a place of projection and hypocrisy (i.e., judging you for something they do too).

Sometimes toxic traits are more subtle, such as a general unpleasantness that you can't quite put your finger on. Most of us understand the importance of kindness and social graces, but with toxic people, Campbell says, they are simply not nice. Whether it's gossip, pressure, or nasty comments, being mean is toxic in its own right.

From secret-keeping to lying, dishonesty is a toxic trait, according to Campbell. Perhaps you've caught this person in a lie—or many lies—and you don't feel like you can trust them, or they're a pathological liar who seems to compulsively fib. In either case, Campbell explains, that behavior is almost always at the expense of another person's well-being, and therefore toxic.

Empathy allows us to connect with other people by feeling for them when they're going through a hard time, or on the flip side, celebrating their wins alongside them. As Campbell explains, it's toxic when someone can't empathize with you for better or worse, especially if they hurt you in some way and cannot find it in themselves to empathize with you, instead taking your hurt feelings as a personal affront to them.

She notes that this is actually common in codependent relationships, when two people become so enmeshed that they lack appropriate separation and autonomy. "When boundaries have slipped, the intensity of one's connection to another can escalate to an unhealthy level for both individuals," she explains.

To be a fair-weather friend means you only stick around when the friendship is convenient for you, and this can apply to romantic relationships and family dynamics as well. As psychotherapist Annette Nuñez, Ph.D., LMFT, previously told mindbodygreen, an inability to hold space for loved ones can be very isolating, whether the person displays toxic positivity, goes cold whenever you're upset, or tries to fast forward through difficult conversations. This is a type of friend who doesn't genuinely have your best interests at heart.

An overly competitive spirit might be prized in the working world, but it has no place in our relationships and can introduce dysfunction. According to both Nuñez and licensed marriage and family therapist Tiana Leeds, M.A., LMFT, it's a major red flag of a toxic friend if someone is competitive with you, which can look like jealousy, one-upping you in conversations, or trying to undermine your accomplishments.

It's emotional immaturity, Campbell notes, because they cannot handle any questioning of their own image.

According to Neo, another example of a toxic trait is constantly trying to "fix" people. As she previously wrote for mindbodygreen, "Sometimes people aren't asking for solutions or even for a listening ear, but we unwittingly create trauma from nonexistent wounds by probing," adding that simply put, no one should be treated like a project that needs to be solved or fixed.

(Here's our full guide to victim complexes.)

"They're looking down their nose at your truth. They just obliterate it with their moral superiority. They stand with such audacity that no matter how ridiculous it is, they get away with it," Campbell says, adding, "The most toxic person in any dynamic is often the least confronted."

"As we get older," Nuñez explains, "our dynamics and what we value in friendships may change. It's OK to not feel bad for having a long-term friend and not necessarily being that close with them."

This cycle of building someone up only to break them down can repeat itself over and over, "and each time you fall down," Cambell says, "you lose more of your self-worth, and you develop more shame."

On the other hand, if you're the one experiencing toxicity from a family member, friend, or partner, it can impact your sense of self, your self-worth, and your attachment style. Campbell tells mindbodygreen that toxicity can cause you to doubt yourself, people-please, feel shame, question your own thoughts and feelings, and so much more.

The more you check your own behavior, the more you can change it.

She adds that if you're someone who finds yourself in relationships like this a lot, you might be a sensitive and compassionate person who doesn't want to "give up" on others or hurt their feelings. But what about when they hurt you? "You don't owe anyone an explanation for your need to take care of yourself—get out sooner than later," she advises.

After all, toxic people want to get a rise out of you, so by "becoming a rock," you're not giving them the emotional payoff they're looking for. For example, if your co-worker slams your latest project in a group meeting, rather than getting defensive and emotional, simply say blankly, "Thanks for the feedback." Eventually, your toxic co-worker will likely pick a new target.

Having healthy and supportive relationships—whether romantic, platonic, or familial—is a huge factor in your overall well-being, and anything less can be detrimental to your sense of self. By identifying toxic traits when they happen, you can figure out which relationships in your life are worth keeping, and which you'd be better off walking away from.