How The Sacral Chakra's Shadow Could Be Keeping You From Your Soul Mate

To live in the shadow frequency of a chakra is to be guided by the associated wound of that chakra. We make decisions from that wound, we relate to others from that wound, and in extreme cases, we become that wound. To heal, we must first become aware of the wound and then do the work to heal it. This propels us into the gift frequency, where we can truly become our best selves. Once you've worked through the shadow of your root chakra, you can move on to the second chakra, the sacral.

Denial arises in childhood as the emotion body develops. When we're young, feelings can be intense, and minutes can feel like an eternity—so we're that much more reactive. We instinctively want to feel good, so we adapt our behaviors to create more dopamine hits and less discomfort. But even the pleasurable feelings are impermanent, so we get stuck in a cycle that never ends. We're either running away from discomfort or trying to create more pleasure. Ultimately every important decision in our lives is driven by this until we become aware of it. Healing this wound is about learning to sit with discomfort. It's about not reacting to pain or sadness but letting the feelings move through us with ease. It's about cultivating equanimity and understanding that this, too, shall pass.

In my private practice, this is the most common wound I see. Sacral energy is about connection and partnership, so this wound drives us to connect regardless of the cost. This is when we settle for a romantic partner that isn't the right match because being single feels too lonely or uncomfortable. Some of us spend hours swiping on dating apps we despise because we're too anxious to wait for the serendipitous encounter we've always dreamed of. We may stay in a relationship with someone we no longer love because we cannot bear to break their heart. Or perhaps we agree to a business collaboration that isn't aligned with our future goals because we don't want to disappoint the other party. This is what it looks like to live in the shadow of the sacral chakra. Every action is an attempt to avoid or escape discomfort. Every action is a reaction. To heal the wound of denial we must move from reaction to stillness.

When we become still, we are no longer controlled by fleeting feelings and sensations. In the stillness, energy is freed up to create with intention. Whether we are creating babies, products, businesses, or movements, our creativity is meant for nothing less than a masterpiece. Stillness also allows us to wait for the right partners to enter our lives. This is where we meet our soul mates—the people who can best support us in fulfilling our purpose. Here are three exercises to support sacral chakra healing: 

It's time to get really real with yourself and acknowledge how you are reacting instead of acting in your relationships. Scan your relationships and identify all the ways you are people-pleasing, settling, walking on eggshells, or modifying your behavior to protect others from their own pain and disappointment. The first step is to become aware. Then you can begin to change. 

Train yourself to sit with discomfort by sitting still for a prolonged period of time. Sit in meditation, set your timer for 30 minutes, and challenge yourself not to move at all. Acknowledge the urge to scratch an itch, change position, or move a limb that has fallen asleep, but do not react. Stay still and observe the sensation change over time. When you cultivate stillness on the physical plane, it will affect everything.

This kundalini kriya is one of the best exercises to work with sacral energy. Begin by sitting in rock pose (on your knees). Interlace all the fingers except for the index fingers. For sacral work, I recommend crossing the left thumb over the right. Keep the spine straight, and reach the arms straight up to the sky framing the ears. Chant "Sat Naam" at a steady rhythm. On the "Sat," pull the navel in. On the "Naam," relax the belly. Keep your eyes closed, and focus your attention on the point between the eyebrows.