The Subconscious Tendency That Erodes Intimacy In Every Relationship

One of the major causes of relationship problems—perhaps the biggest—is judgment. By that I mean self-judgment as well as judgment of others. Self-judgment is a common form of self-abandonment. When we judge ourselves, we generally judge others, and vice versa.

When we judge others, we often then project onto them that they are judging us, and when we judge ourselves, we feel insecure around others. The truth is that nothing good ever comes from self-judgment or judgment of others. It makes us feel bad and creates unloving relationships.

If you want loving and connected relationships, then you need to start by noticing your thoughts. You can’t stop judging unless you are aware that you're doing it. It’s not uncommon for judgmental thoughts of yourself and others to be automatic—not even conscious.

Years ago, I realized that much of my anxiety was coming from self-judgments and judgments of others. I started to practice noticing this without judging myself. It took a while, but I finally stopped judging myself and others, and that has been life-changing for me.

As you become conscious of your judgments, you then have the choice to shift your thinking to acceptance, compassion, and forgiveness. Whenever you are accepting of yourself and others, and you have compassion for yourself and others, and you forgive yourself and others for making mistakes and being human, your frequency is high and your heart is open. In these times, you'll find it easy to lovingly connect with yourself and with others.

The other enormous benefit of raising your frequency by moving out of judgment and into acceptance, compassion, and forgiveness is that you will naturally start to experience the love and guidance that is always with you. We are always being lovingly guided toward our highest good and the manifestation of our dreams by our spiritual guidance—but our guidance can’t reach us when our heart is closed, and judgment always closes the heart. Life changes dramatically when you know that you are never alone and that you are always being guided toward peace, joy, and the manifestation of your dreams.

I hope you can see that this one major change in your thinking has a huge impact on your life and on all your relationships. I encourage you to consider starting to notice what judgment creates in your life and your relationships and to begin consciously shifting to acceptance, compassion, and forgiveness.