Why It's Incredibly Hard To Celebrate Our Small Wins (And Why We Really Should)

While it's easy to simply go through our days doing our best and only celebrating the big stuff—getting engaged, a promotion, a new home—clinical psychologist Kristina Hallett, Ph.D., ABPP, suggests adopting a different approach: "One of the things I tell people all the time is to celebrate everything," she says. 

The idea is that, when we feel good about the seemingly innocuous small steps—eating a healthy lunch, refilling our water bottle, making it to the gym—that neural pathway becomes stronger, helping us form long-term habits and cultivate a growth mindset (or the tendency to believe that we can grow and achieve our goals). We can actually change behaviors in this way, says Hallett, who puts it like this: "Whatever you repeat, you strengthen. The way we rewire our brains is through repetition—it's the basis of neuroplasticity, which is what helps us learn and implement patterns faster and better." 

Hallett compares the way we tend to treat these little steps to the way we treat loose pennies in our wallet: "We see them as meaningless and give them away, even though a lot of pennies together translate to real, usable amounts of cash over time."

So while it makes total sense to value the small victories, is there actually any harm in writing them off?

If you've ever thought, "I should be exercising, so what's the big deal when I do?" you're not alone. "People really struggle with celebrating the little things because we have an expectation that we should already be doing them," explains Hallett. 

A more effective approach is to turn the expectation (drinking eight glasses of water daily) into a longer-term goal, break it down into the smallest components possible that are achievable, commit to doing those steps, and then recognize when you do. "That's literally the process of habit formation," says Hallett. 

Hallett suggests picking one or two small things you want to accomplish every day. Then:

1. Recognize when you do them. "Your tendency will be to do it and then dismiss it, saying, 'Meh, what difference does this make?'" says Hallett. Take a breath and remind yourself that you met your goal. She suggests either keeping a small success journal, telling someone about it (preface it with "I'm really working on x, and I did y and z today"), or saying, "I'm proud of me!" 

2. Reframe effort as a win. If you don't make that goal, don't beat yourself up. "A growth mindset accepts that there will be struggles and challenges along the way, and these are learning opportunities," says Hallett. Use a setback to increase your self-awareness with a focus on self-compassion. "This a chance to own it, understand why it happened, and get back into planning and action mode with a better strategy."