7 Signs You're Dealing With A Somatic Narcissist

Narcissists (aka people with narcissistic personality disorder) are people who tend to inflate their own importance, lack empathy for others, and need constant validation. If you've ever encountered someone who actively asserted that their good looks entitled them to privilege above others, you may have specifically been dealing with a somatic narcissist. 

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, which therapists use to make mental health diagnoses, doesn't group narcissism into different types, but some experts classify narcissists into one of three groups:

These aren't clinical terms, nor are they validated psychological concepts demonstrated by peer-reviewed research. We reached out to experts familiar with this classification system to understand more about how to spot a somatic narcissist.

Somatic narcissists may spend a lot of time engaging in and talking about activities like going to the gym and dieting, says Scott-Hudson. Plastic surgery is popular among some somatic narcissists. Others have issues with overspending on items like clothing, fitness equipment, and makeup, says mental health consultant Adina Mahalli, MSW: "They will do whatever it takes to make sure that their appearance is impressive." They may also brag or fish for compliments about their physical appearance.

Serial infidelity, compulsive sexual behavior, pursuit of "trophy" partners, and manipulation of sexual partners are all signs of somatic narcissism, says Scott-Hudson, as many somatic narcissists gain validation by feeling sexually desirable. 

Somatic narcissists exhibit the more general traits of narcissists, and this is one of them. "Narcissists exhibit a lack of empathy for others and often devalue the contributions of others while inflating their own sense of contribution or accomplishments," says Schafler. 

Narcissists "tend to focus solely and excessively on their own needs, problems, or thoughts and have great difficulty recognizing the feelings or needs of others," says Schafler. In a relationship, this means that you always come second, especially when your narcissistic partner's self-esteem is at stake. 

Narcissists have trouble taking criticism and often respond defensively, sometimes in abusive ways, says Schafler. The DSM uses the term "narcissistic injury" to describe this phenomenon, stating that criticism can "haunt these individuals and may leave them feeling humiliated, degraded, hollow, and empty. They may react with disdain, rage, or defiant counterattack." For somatic narcissists, this will be particularly true for criticism of their looks. 

A gaslighter might, for example, deny doing something they did, accuse you of behavior they themselves are guilty of, or call you oversensitive or dramatic when you confront them. You may be particularly susceptible to gaslighting if you're a people-pleaser, empath, or codependent.

In order to solidify their sense of superiority, somatic narcissists will put down those they consider physically inferior or unattractive, says Scott-Hudson. This may include making jokes about fat people, older people, or anyone they deem less than physically ideal. They also may judge and obsessively monitor others' appearances, which can include telling them what to eat, how to exercise, and what to wear. 

Sexual narcissism can also manifest in the opposite way, though. A sexual narcissist may constantly ask their partners if they're satisfied but only because their partners' satisfaction validates their own prowess, says Schafler. 

While cerebral narcissists gain their sense of importance from their minds, somatic narcissists rely on their bodies, says Mahalli. "A somatic narcissist aims to impress you with their body, the number of people who look at them, or their six-pack, and needs approval in those areas."

While it's normal to care about your appearance, you should be wary of anyone whose life seems to revolve around theirs, who judges others based on their own, or who shows other signs of narcissism. It's unlikely that a somatic narcissist will change their ways, so if you think you're in a relationship with one, get out as soon as possible and seek therapy for yourself.