19 Signs You're Socially Awkward + How To Own It Anyway, From Psychology Experts

Being socially awkward is an interesting thing because it rarely shows up the same way. Social awkwardness is a common trait that can affect anyone, regardless of age, background, or even personality type. It often shows up in different ways and to varying degrees. In some people it may manifest as shyness, difficulty forming connections with others, or overwhelming anxiety while in social settings.

But while that can be hard to deal with at times, social awkwardness actually comes with some perks, too, more often than not—like being a good listener, becoming super observant, and being more empathetic to other people's social struggles. 

According to therapist Maria Sosa, MFT, social awkwardness is when we have difficulty communicating and engaging with others in social settings. "There's a sense of discomfort, feeling out of place, not being able to pick up on social cues or respond in a socially acceptable way. Interactions, as a whole, feel off for all parties," she tells mbg.

Poor social skills could be caused by a history of negative social experiences, says therapist Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali, LMFT. Perhaps a person was bullied, made fun of, humiliated, or mistreated when they were in a social situation. Another cause could be not receiving "adequate socialization at a young age," she says, wherein a person never got the necessary practice to help build their social skills. 

Shyness could also contribute to poor social skills, she adds. People who are shy often get "the feeling that [they are] being judged harshly when they are in public." Some people are also simply overstimulated by certain situations, which may lead to that social awkwardness: "This often occurs in highly sensitive people—people who feel deeply and notice external stimuli on a deeper level than others. When one feels generally uncomfortable in public, it makes it difficult to engage with others," she says.

"One of the main markers of social awkwardness is difficulties beginning and keeping conversations flowing. Conversations are often disjointed, usually with long pauses or gaps," says Sosa.

Trauma and relationship counselor Katie Lorz, LMHC, tells mindbodygreen that people who are socially awkward are sometimes so hyper-aware of their social situations that "they find themselves having physiological or psychological signs of hyper-awareness." This may include overthinking, worrying about what others are thinking, thinking others are very aware of them, sweating, sensitivity of the skin or body awareness, salivating or dry mouth, change in hearing perception, or an upset stomach. 

Sometimes socially awkward people feel more disconnected or "spaced out" in social situations. In these moments the person may be feeling like they are having an out-of-body experience; they may faint or feel sleepy; they may be forgetful, or their mind might go blank; they may feel overwhelming pressure in their chest or may even throw up or need to use the restroom.

According to Lorz, these may be signs that a person is moving from a "fight or flight" state into a "freeze" or "fawn" state, "one that signals to the brain and body that the best option for survival is to give up, hide, or shut down."

Osibodu-Onyali also says that social awkwardness tends to produce people who want to do their best in social situations, and so they sometimes will practice social skills. Because they don't want the attention on themselves, they learn to ask better questions and actively listen to the person who's speaking. They can engage others in a very gentle way.

Because social butterflies are more likely to interact with large groups, Estevez says, they tend to have to divide their attention among many individuals simultaneously. This can lead to a lack of quality one-on-one time with friends, leading to shallower friendships that lack depth. 

Being socially awkward means you may not feel the need to be around others all the time. This allows for a greater appreciation of your own company and can help cultivate inner strength and stability. 

"Additionally, it gives you more time to focus on personal projects, interests, learning experiences, and other pursuits that bring joy into your life. Socially awkward people often find solace in independent activities such as reading or spending time outdoors. As a result, they may be better at self-reliance and developing hobbies that make them feel fulfilled without relying on others for gratification or entertainment," explains Estevez.

Before you head into a social setting or even when you're in the middle of it, Sosa recommends taking a few seconds to acknowledge the awkwardness and the discomfort, and breathe through it.

 Another important factor in feeling confident as a socially awkward person is learning to accept and embrace yourself. "Self-acceptance is a powerful tool that can help shift your mindset from one of self-doubt to one of self-assurance. By embracing your unique qualities and celebrating what sets you apart from others, you can learn to feel more comfortable in your own skin and less self-conscious in social situations," Menezes says.

We are seeing more people embrace their own social awkwardness and forming groups of like-minded individuals. In fact, the idea that everyone must act a certain way to be socially accepted may even be one of the causes of social awkwardness. 

"The truth is that it takes all sorts of people to make up the breadth and depth of this human experience, and our own uniqueness is a way of living an authentic life and creating meaning in this world," says Lorz. "So, unless your social awkwardness is causing you personal or social discomfort or problems, there is no need to change who you are."

If you deal with social awkwardness, it might be easy to shut down or avoid social interactions in general because you just don't feel like you fit in. But social skills can be developed and honed over time. We've all experienced some kind of awkwardness in our interactions. We've all had those moments after an interaction where we replay it and consider what we could have done or said differently.