What Is A Sleep Divorce? Why You May Want One, From Experts

Many couples opt for a sleep divorce to promote overall sleep quality, decrease conflict, and have their own space. Sleeping in separate bedrooms is often seen as a sign of an unhealthy or troubled relationship—but it may actually be just the opposite. 

Sleep divorce agreements can be long term or temporary, depending on the situation. For example, some couples sleep together the majority of the year but separate throughout a pregnancy or an illness. 

Many couples simply sleep in separate beds for a better night's sleep, according to research. "Over time, some partners find it difficult to get good rest with their partner lying beside them," Cullins says. Common problems that may initiate a sleep divorce include:

Sleep divorce is not for everyone. In fact, some studies have shown people do sleep better with a partner (or at least their scent). However, if sharing a bed is beginning to interfere with your quality of sleep, it may be worth considering.

Yes, sharing a bed with a partner can affect your sleep. It's not the case for everyone, but for some people, having your partner moving around in bed next to you can make it harder to fall asleep or impact your sleep quality. By sleeping in separate beds, couples can make sure they're getting the right amount of sleep each night.

"It's important that couples spend time cultivating their own interests, doing things they enjoy on their own, which helps facilitate a healthy sense of self beyond the relationship," he recently told mbg. "Otherwise they risk enmeshment, which usually leads to complacency and feeling unfulfilled."

People tend to have their own sleep routines when they live on their own, and some research suggests couples who get together with mismatched sleep habits1 tend to have more conflict in the relationship. A 2016 study2 found relationship problems and sleep problems tend to occur simultaneously, and another study found couples tend to pick fights with each other the day after one person loses sleep because of the other. Sleeping in separate beds can avoid the potential for conflict over losing sleep.

When couples sleep in different beds, each partner can have their own individual bedtime routine and not have to worry about disturbing their partner's sleep. One person can stay up hours after the other without worrying about keeping their partner awake, allowing for more independence and personalization in their daily schedules.

Sex educator and marriage therapist Lexx Brown-James, Ph.D., LMFT, points out that sleeping in different beds doesn't have to translate into a sexless relationship. To the contrary, it can allow the couples to have more intentional time for intimacy together—and more excitement about the physical touch they do share.

Keep in mind, while you've had time to process the potential change, your partner hasn't. Be patient as they think through the decision. "In the end, you may have to compromise by sleeping apart on some designated nights of the week while agreeing to sleep together on some nights," Cullins says. 

And when you do sleep in the same bed from time to time? Choose the right couples sleeping position to find the right balance of feeling connected and comfortable.

Sleeping in the same bed isn't required for a healthy relationship to flourish. Couples can find many ways of increasing intimacy between them without necessarily sleeping next to each other night, and the sleep divorce might actually help them each individually get more necessary shut-eye.