The 5 Telltale Signs That You're With The Right Partner, From A Relationship Expert

Here are a few things I recommend looking out for to help people know if they're with the right partner. The first on this list is by far the most important:

So the first thing you need to ask yourself is, "Am I open to learning and growing in my ability to love, and is my partner open to learning and growing in their ability to love?" If one or both of you are not, then there is little chance of creating a loving relationship.

All of us have an ego wounded self that wants to control rather than learn, and no one likes anyone else's wounded ego. Our wounded ego isn't who we really are but can take over when fear of rejection or fear of engulfment is triggered. It's our deep love and resonance with each other's soul that keeps love alive even when we are triggered into the unloving, controlling behavior of our wounded self.

If you were not attracted to your partner near the beginning of the relationship, it's unlikely that this attraction will develop. Attraction is a mysterious thing, and most of the time it's either there or it isn't. No matter how compatible you seem to be with your partner, if attraction isn't there, it likely isn't going to develop.

Do you have the same values regarding issues such as politics, abortion, religion or spirituality, whether or not to have children, child-raising, monogamy, future plans, spending or saving money, being late or being on time, being neat or messy, city living or rural living? Being on the same page with these issues is very helpful—and will help you avoid trying to change or control each other, which undermines the intimacy in relationships.

However, in loving relationships, it's important for each person to not be dependent on the other in terms of what you like to do and to have friends to share interests with. Loving partners don't generally need to spend all their time together, and they get some of their needs met with others, such as one partner being part of a meditation group that the other isn't interested in or one partner having a tennis partner when the other isn't interested in playing tennis or isn't at the same level as their partner.

All five of these qualities are important for knowing whether you're with the right person. It's also important to learn to trust your inner knowing. If you are honest with yourself, you can know whether you have the resonance, attraction, values, and openness with your partner that you need to create a loving and committed relationship.