Are You Being Deceived By Someone? 8 Signs Of A Master Manipulator & How To Protect Yourself

For manipulative people and dark-triad types, things like withholding, exaggerating the truth to get their way, and inflating their own ego are mere past times. We’ve all told a lie here and there, but fibbing that you're sick when you really just need an extra day to get things done, for example, is far from the kinds of lies master deceivers use.

True crime shows are one of the leading genres because these master manipulators perplex and intrigue our brains. The rate of psychopathy in the general adult population is at 4.5%1, and more prevalent in males—but for the rest of us, we think, “How could someone possibly do that to another person?”

We assure ourselves we would certainly know better, of course, if we ever got caught in the crossfire of a con-artist.

I was there too, priding myself on being a smart, educated, independent woman (a prime target for master deceives, by the way), yet it happened to me multiple times. Not only was I targeted by a con-artist who faked an entire friendship to steal as much as he could from me, disappearing like a thief in the night after he got what he wanted, but I also found myself entrapped in a romantic swindler's web of lies and deceit.

Compulsive liars assume everyone else is a liar too, plotting ways to get one over on them, whereas empathic people think everyone is telling the truth and would never dream of hurting another with deceptions.

But the harsh reality is, some people make a living out of compulsive lying. And with the rise of education around narcissistic abuse, we are expanding into a time in human history where the wolves who skated by, can no longer masquerade in sheep’s clothing, for humanity is demanding we do better by each other. 

Effectively, hurt people do not get a free pass to go around and continue to hurt more people. We are now living in a trauma-informed world.

Nevertheless, there, unfortunately, will always be people who don't want to do the inner work. They are used to deceiving and manipulating others to get their way, but their tactics only work if you don’t recognize them. 

A master manipulator knows how to use their voice to direct conversations, play off your emotional touch points, and get what they want. They use their tone and vocal range to elicit responses.

When you ask someone, “What did you have for dinner last night?" or, "What did you do this weekend?” someone who is not lying may pause for a moment and think about it, but a liar will have the whole answer planned out.

They overthink and overshare to avoid any pitfalls and questions being returned. If their story seems too smooth, it probably is. 

Even the most skilled master manipulator has micro-facial expressions that will give their lying lifestyle away. When I was involved romantically with the swindler who tried to love bomb his way into my heart, every lie he shared was obvious to me in part because I knew him well as a person, and when he lied, there were micro-facial tweaks that always revealed his truth.

When a liar is trying to cover up something, they will often remove the “I” and “we” from their story. They may even talk in third person, or they may triangulate, bringing in another person’s name to take attention off themselves.

Always pay attention to stories and what they say, but also when and how they say it. The romantic swindler I got involved with lied in almost every conversation we had.

He said after a couple weeks into dating that he couldn’t hang out an upcoming weekend because he was going camping with friends. Yet a month later, he mentioned causally in conversation his camper had been broken for five months and he hadn’t gone camping in ages.

Major and minor inconsistencies should are glaring red flags. If your recollection of events is different from theirs, you could be being gaslit and lied to. Always pay attention to inconsistencies and actions not matching words.

In every situation where I was being deceived, I abandoned myself to give the other the benefit of the doubt. I would ignore the inner voice that kept yelling, “Something is off, don’t trust this person,” and let myself believe, “Everyone has good in them, and I see the potential.'

Master manipulators use lies like the rest of us breathe air, and when it comes second nature to someone, it's wise to adjust your expectations in relating to them. You can limit interactions when you sense you’re being lied to and set healthy boundaries. 

As author of When Your Lover Is A Liar, Donna Frazier, suggests, write down important conversations, firmly question details that don’t add up, and perhaps most importantly, don’t take it personally.

At the end of the day, you can limit your interactions with someone you sense is deceiving you, go no-contact and cut them out of your energy, and align with people who value honesty and integrity.