12 Signs You're Dating An Immature Person & What That Really Means

Maybe your partner has a "go with the flow" attitude that was enticing at first, but you're increasingly feeling like the parent in the relationship. Maybe you're tired of being the only one who handles the finances or the only one who keeps on top of household duties or the only one who manages the social calendar. Maybe you're tired of feeling like a nag and find yourself wondering, "Will my partner ever share some of the responsibility for the adult aspects of our relationship?"

When it comes to living with passion and adventure, your partner excels; when it comes to doing the emotional work in the relationship, your partner is a disaster, from having meltdowns when challenges arise to refusing to work through conflict. You're exhausted from the emotional upheaval and concerned about mounting resentments. Your friends may think you have the perfect relationship from the outside, but you often feel like you're living with an "adult child."

In adulthood, psychological maturity is generally defined as the ability to wisely and appropriately manage developmental responsibilities in mental, emotional, behavioral, and social arenas. There are other forms of maturity such as physical maturity, developmental stage maturity, and career maturity. Although it's important to be aware of all forms of maturity in adult romantic relationships, it's especially important to pay attention to psychological maturity. 

The different types of maturity are often interwoven and easy to confuse with one another, and this can complicate relationships. For example, you might see an adult who is physically mature and assume that this person is also psychologically mature—only to find that the individual acts more like a child than an adult. You might also come across someone who is terrifically mature in the career arena yet find him terribly immature when it comes to relationships. It's also common to be excited by a partner's wild or uninhibited side yet ultimately find that there's an accompanying irresponsibility that is hard to take.

Maturity disparities often arise when it comes to basic life and relationship issues such as finances, employment, daily chores, and communication.

When it comes to finances—whether setting a budget, creating a savings account, or spending appropriately—an immature partner will often have difficulty navigating monetary issues in responsible ways. An immature person may also have difficulty in the career world; this can manifest through constant job losses, a lack of commitment in the workplace, or a refusal to work at all.

On the homefront, the more mature partner may be left with doing far more work than the immature partner; from leaving dishes undone to refusing to clean the bathroom, the immature partner will often avoid sharing equally in mundane (but necessary) tasks.

It can be helpful to understand why a significant maturity difference may exist in a partner of similar age. Although you don't need to excuse or accept a partner's lack of maturity, it can be helpful to recognize that a variety of factors—from early childhood experiences and parenting styles to traumatic life events—can negatively affect psychological maturation.

For example, it's not uncommon for a child to be put into a parental-type role that involves age-inappropriate amounts of responsibility; a child in this type of situation often matures far too early and may be overly responsible in adult life. At the other end of the spectrum, psychological maturity is often impeded by helicopter parents who tend to shield their children from responsibility and natural consequences. In adulthood, the helicopter-parented individual often suffers from irresponsibility coupled with a sense of entitlement.

Life challenges such as traumatic events can also affect a child's ability to mature at an age-appropriate rate. While trauma may thrust one person into early maturity, the same type of trauma may stunt the psychological growth of another individual.

As you begin to assess both your and your partner's maturity levels in various areas, strive to be nonjudgmental and objective. Maturity differences can sometimes be problematic, yet—when present in balanced ways—can also add interest and variety to a relationship. That said, if maturity differences create disharmony, it's important to address the underlying issues such as discrepancies in values or chronic irresponsibility.

As you look at the maturity factor in your relationship, remember that slight differences in maturity can also be positive in some situations. For example, a more mature partner may enjoy the lightheartedness that a less mature partner can bring. The less mature partner may benefit from the calm, settled nature that a mature partner can offer.