16 Signs Of Sexual Tension & How To Build It When You Want It

You're checking them out, they're checking you out—and when your eyes meet, an explosion of excitement ripples through your body. That feeling? Consider that sexual tension.

Sexual tension is a normal, often electric feeling that can arise between people who want to have sex with each other but can't act on it in the moment, either due to relational or environmental context, explains licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D., CST. Either they're unsure how to navigate their attraction, or the opportunity to exercise it hasn't presented itself.

Whether you prefer to call it energy or tension, Balestrieri says, "The sexual vibe is alive in the ether." Plus, get this: This sexual attraction is alive to more than just you and the person reciprocating your desire—it's palpable to the people around you, too.

Stewart points out that the key to these signs is reciprocation.

Additionally, Balestrieri says signs of attraction aren't always just about sexual touch, language, or innuendo but rather are often exhibited through foundational flirtation. That means it can be as simple as feeling giddy or laughing more. "Flirting with someone and having your flirtations reciprocated can feel liberating and disinhibiting, and it can invite more humor or joie de vivre (buoyant enjoyment of life) in general."

"Sexual tension is a good thing when you're waiting to be sexual with someone," says Stewart. She explains that the tension gives you an opportunity to flirt, seduce, and mentally prepare yourself to be with the person who shares your sexual attraction. 

An amazing aphrodisiac for people who can eventually be together, sexual tension "can help build anticipatory arousal with the right amount of sexual frustration paired with excitement," Balestrieri adds. You might even consider it an emotional edging technique, she says, "since the tease and delay can stimulate fantasy, longing, hope, curiosity, and/or adventure."

However, there are downsides to having palpable sexual chemistry with someone, particularly when the people feeling this energy know they can't or shouldn't act on it. "This leads to them being distracted by the sexual tension and even possible resentment if they're in a current partnership," Stewart says. Anything that might lead to violating a sexual boundary can hinder quality sexual tension, she adds. 

When the person you experience sexual tension with is an employee, a friend of a significant other, a family member, a minor, or anyone considered inappropriate, Balestrieri says sexual tension can be a negative influence on a person's life.

Another situation that presents unfavorable aspects of sexual tension is when it's weaponized as a form of revenge against a current partner. "If your partner flirts with someone in front of you to evoke a reaction out of you—and it's not part of your consensual kink—that could be an example of sexual tension run amok," Balestrieri says.

Because communication is always key, Stewart says people should address their sexual tension by talking about it. "Expressing oneself can not only help you with actualizing the sexual tension but can also help you realize if it's just a crush that should be left alone."

When sexual tension occurs between people who can flirt and want to flirt, Balestrieri suggests the people who feel palpable sexual chemistry between each other "might imagine turning the heat into something more tangible, like a date, foreplay, or a sexual experience." 

To build or increase tension with someone you're with or would like to be with, Stewart recommends purposefully not having sex with your partner but rather flirting and seducing them. Work on building anticipation (a huge part of sexual tension!) by teasing your partner for one week with actions that appeal to them before you both give in to a full-blown sexual experience.

A simple yet effective way to build sexual tension is to create opportunities for lingering touch and intense and playful eye contact—or even a little role play if you and your partner are open to it. (Here are some other fun foreplay ideas for a little inspo.)

If the sexual tension gets so intense you just can't wait, then don't! "Sneak off to find a private place for a make-out session in public and invite a little taboo into the mix," Balestrieri proposes. 

"If you'd like to up the tension, send your partner a sex toy in the mail or in their hand at dinner with a promise for playtime later," suggests Balestrieri. She recommends toys like Trojan's Pulse Compact Vibrating Massager that can easily be passed around discreetly, which can "send scintillating sensations throughout your body while you wait for playtime later, building sexual tension [before] you finally get to be together."

Sexual tension is a natural feeling that arises within us all when we're around someone we feel an energetic sensual connection with—and we've all been there! 

The key to respecting everyone involved, however, is transparency and communication. Plus, be aware of how sexual tension feels within your body to know how it may affect you, especially if you're in a monogamous partnership. 

Before moving forward with someone who makes you feel horny or increases your libido, consider all the possibilities to avoid negatively affecting others or yourself.