23 Examples Of Self-Destructive Behavior & How To Stop It

Self-destructive behavior is a pattern of actions that could hinder a person's physical and emotional well-being or their ability to achieve important goals. And sometimes, these behaviors are not just a hindrance but outright harmful, according to therapist Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali, LMFT. They can be physical acts—like drunken driving or self-harm—but they can also be emotional. 

"Physically self-destructive behaviors can be anything that creates harmful or unsafe physical circumstances," trauma and relationship counselor Katie Lorz, LMHC, tells mbg. Those might include anything from substance abuse to self-harm, as well as more subtle acts like mindless social media scrolling or willfully ignoring your body's need for movement, hydration, or nutrition.

"Often, they are also ways for a person to 'check out' when life gets too stressful or if there aren't supports, knowledge, or a pattern of handling stress, uncertainty, and difficult relationships well," she adds. 

Emotionally self-destructive behaviors involve making yourself feel bad, typically by putting yourself down, denying your own needs, or putting yourself into situations where you're likely to get hurt by others.

The root causes of self-destructive behavior can vary from person to person, according to licensed drug and alcohol counselor Candace Kotkin-De Carvalho, LSW, LCADC, CCS, CCTP. Some of the most common causes include a lack of positive coping skills, unresolved issues from childhood or adolescence, and poor mental health.

Lorz describes self-destructive behaviors as being the product of either misguided attempts at self-protection or moments of dissociation. They're often shaped by beliefs you have about yourself, what you deserve, and how you have taken in the messages of the world and those around you, she says, making them essentially a response to personal circumstances that have had a traumatic impact on you. They may have even worked (or you believed that they have worked) in the past to protect you from feeling stressed, overwhelmed, hurt, exhausted, scared, or in danger, she adds, but ultimately these coping mechanisms are now causing more harm than protection. 

Osibodu-Onyali adds that when people have experienced multiple negative events or even traumas, it changes the way they view themselves, others, and the world. "They begin to expect bad things to happen, and when good things come their way, they introduce self-destructive behaviors so that things return to the negative pattern they are used to. It's not that they enjoy negativity; it's just that it's familiar," she says.

Additionally, self-destructive behaviors can be symptoms of many mental health issues, according to Manly. For example, a person who is suffering from depression may engage in self-protective behaviors, like not going to work due to a lack of energy or to avoid stress, that are ultimately self-destructive. Those who suffer from substance use disorders may resort to self-destructive behaviors, including stealing to maintain the addiction or driving while under the influence, with little or no ability to genuinely appreciate the long-term impact; the cumulative effects of these behaviors are often tragic.  

It's often helpful to nonjudgmentally track the issue. When we notice what triggers the self-destructive behaviors, we become more aware. Through increased awareness, we often stimulate change just by noticing, avoiding, or mindfully "leaning into" the situation.

"Write down these activities and see how much you are doing them day to day," Lorz recommends. "When you are doing them, are you avoiding other things? Avoidance and distraction are ways of coping that can be healthy, but when done too much, are ultimately self-destruction. What do you do to avoid and distract from stressful, difficult, or unpleasant things?" 

A great example here: Let's say whenever you sit down at your computer to work, you *have* to have a snack to munch on. Lorz says it's likely you're not hungry but stressed or anxious about the emails in your inbox. By tracking your behavior, you may realize that whenever you are anxious, stressed, or bored, you get something to eat. 

Kotkin-De Carvalho says understanding the underlying factors contributing to your self-destructive behavior is crucial for breaking its destructive cycle. 

Be proactive about learning and practicing coping skills and habits that stop self-destructive behaviors before they start, Lorz says. 

"Having a variety of coping skills and habits that support mental health and well-being, and create outlets for stress reduction, can help your mind and body to build resilience and empowerment for healthy ways of coping and handling stress and uncertainty," she notes.

Here's a list of grounding techniques you can use to help you stay present in the moment when you're facing stress and wanting to engage in something self-destructive, plus some relaxation techniques to help you self-soothe in other ways.

This is a great way to get external support when your inner critic or inner protector is telling you that your self-destructive behavior is the only thing that's going to make you feel better, says Lorz. This is one reason that fitness buddies, Alcoholics Anonymous, and coaching or psychotherapy can be very successful in helping you grow and change self-destructive behavior.

While this may feel scary, it's also one of the best ways to get perspective. This action alone can help you feel less hopeless, less alone, and more capable of achieving your goals. It creates a bridge of connection that is empowering and healing. 

If you realize someone around you is exhibiting self-destructive behaviors, Manly stresses the importance of approaching the situation in a detached way. This helps you to avoid getting overwhelmed or getting drawn into any negative cycles.

To start, she recommends taking the time to assess your own needs before confronting your loved one. Ask yourself what you need to feel safe and respected in this situation. Once you've mentally prepared yourself and defined your boundaries to yourself, you can bring up the self-destructive behaviors or patterns you've noticed. 

When doing so, Manly notes taking a gentle approach is best. "Avoid criticizing the person or allowing yourself to get pulled into an argument," she says.

Regulating your own emotions is essential here, she adds. You definitely don't want to be locked in a battle of words or even a physical battle with this person. While you're speaking up because you care, it's important to also explain your boundaries and what you are and aren't willing to tolerate while offering your support. 

If changes aren't being made, it may become necessary to lovingly detach from the situation, says Manly, and to recognize that you can't fix another person's issues for them, especially if they're unwilling to help themselves. 

Using the above methods to stop self-destructive behavior on your own can be effective, but there may come a point where you feel like you need more help. Hunter says that if you find that no matter how hard you try, you still seem to be making life harder for yourself, it might be time to seek out help. 

Everyone makes bad decisions from time to time, but when a person makes harmful decisions consistently, it could be classified as self-destructive. 

The key to preventing self-destructive behavior is to understand it. Your understanding of these behaviors may come from doing your own research and self-reflection, or it may come from sitting down with a professional.