What Does It Mean To Be Sapiosexual? 5 Telltale Signs

People who are sapiosexual are physically and emotionally turned on by intelligence. Sapiosexuals think that intelligence is the most attractive trait and value it more than a potential partner's looks or even personality.

Sapiosexuals are most drawn to or turned on by another person's intellect, according to Kryss Shane, LMSW, dual-licensed social worker and LGBTQ+ expert.

"A sapiosexual person may be more interested in discussing books or politics with someone on a first date rather than trying to begin a sexual relationship immediately," she says.

Sapiosexuals are not only drawn to a potential partner's intellect—they are often physically turned on by intelligence. If political debates or long discussions about literature really get you in the mood for sex, this is another sign that you are sapiosexual.

According to Shane, a sapiosexual person may be particularly focused on academic or career excellence, both in their own life and in terms of what they're looking for in partners.

"They may have an online dating profile that focuses more on their career or their academic goals than on trying to find someone to engage in sex with," she says.

For most sapiosexual people, it's impossible to feel comfortable dating or getting intimate with someone before you've had a good, long cerebral chat.

"Sapiosexual people might find that it's difficult to connect sexually with a potential partner until they've engaged in some form of intellectual discussion," Tanner says. "Intellectual connection may be considered far more effective foreplay than even physical touch." 

Often, sapiosexuality can be confused with demisexuality, an orientation characterized by only experiencing sexual attraction to someone after making an emotional connection with them. While there is some overlap between the two orientations, there is also a distinct difference.

Despite sapiosexuality entering discussions about sexual identity more and more, there are many who still do not view sapiosexuality as a real sexual orientation. Some queer people have argued that sapiosexual people should not be included in the LGBTQ+ umbrella because it's not related to gender preferences in the same way identities like pansexual, heteroflexible, and others clearly are.

However, some sexuality experts advocate that sapiosexuality is a valid orientation and should be considered as such. 

"Sapiosexuality is not an orientation in that orientation is about the gender identity of the partner or potential partner," Shane explains. "A sapiosexual person can identify as gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, or greysexual. Sapiosexuality is how the person develops their attraction to someone. It is the how, not the who, of their attraction experience."

In that way, sapiosexual may more closely resemble demisexuality, which describes when someone only experiences sexual attraction after an emotional connection is established first. However, demisexuality is considered part of the asexual spectrum, whereas sapiosexuality is usually considered a separate micro-label of its own.

In relationships, sapiosexuals usually highly value engaging in intellectual activities together with their partners. That might include analyzing the news and talking politics, watching documentaries or taking classes together, or simply having deep conversations as a couple.

"Intellectual conversation, exploration, and gaining perspective are all qualities that contribute to a sapiosexual's level of attraction and connection," certified sex therapist Michelle Herzog, LMFT, CST, previously told mbg. "Plus, exploring questions like these really allows two people to get to know each other on a more meaningful level."

It's probably easiest to date a sapiosexual if you're personally interested in this sort of stuff, too. As sex-positive counselor Ashley D. Sweet, M.A., LPC, LMHC, CCRC, previously told mbg, "Performative intelligence will fall flat and likely turn your beloved sapiosexual right off."