5 Steps To A Radically Positive Breakup

You may now officially dissolve your misconceptions about divorce: the battle, the negative legacy, the stigma, the loneliness, the gossip. Starting now, you'll choose the tone of your approach. Regardless of what others are choosing, you can choose to be generous, gracious, and aware of the consequences of your actions. As a result, you may find that your post-separation dynamic is better than before, especially if you both engage in this process. But, even if you're the only one practicing patience, respect, clarity, peace, and forgiveness, your communications can become more thoughtful and functional—and you'll likely find that you're truly better apart.

No matter who initiated the separation or divorce process, your legacy depends on your inner attitude, your outer composure, and your vision for the future. While this is much easier said than done for some of us, there is simply never a need to speak disrespectfully to your ex or to anyone about your situation. It isn't productive for you or anyone else around you.

No matter where you are in this moment, every aspect of your process is an opportunity to show up as your highest self. Even if you are deeply entrenched in a chaotic swirl of emotion, you can actually change the course of your life, starting right now. Your choices have the capacity to shift the landscape for your family, your children, your body, your mind, and your heart.

The divorce process can be exhaustingly slow. When you practice patience, you infuse the process with calm, allowing you to take it one day, one moment at a time with dignity. Purposeful patience empowers you to listen, learn, explore solutions constructively, and let positive options in.

In every aspect of your experience, what you choose to see is what you'll receive. Should you opt to view this moment as a rejection or a failure, you'll continue to experience that repeatedly throughout your process. Should you choose to view this moment as an opportunity to see through the lens of respect—both self-respect and respect for the others involved—respect will consistently reveal its gifts to you.

Clarity is your capacity to receive and respond with lucidity, taking nothing personally. On the journey from dramatic reactivity to nourishing responsiveness, clarity rules. When negotiating topics of gravity such as your family's parenting plan, domiciles, and division of property, being clear about what your priorities are is vital.

Practices of peace present enriching alternatives to emotions like fear, aggression, and revenge. Peace implies a valuable neutrality that keeps you free of tension—in your body, your heart, and your mind. That freedom allows you to sustain your resources and keep yourself feeling nourished by your own attitudes and choices.

Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It's a moment of giving up what might have been and realizing that everything is as it must be. Forgiveness in the face of even the worst aggression enhances your physiology, evoking a sensation of well-being and possibility. Forgiveness takes you away from contraction, toward an experience of expansion.

Forgiveness is a regular practice for most expansive thinkers; they know that holding grudges and casting blame keep us focused on fear, revenge, and destruction.

Each of these steps is here to help you create a pathway to being better apart. Patience leads to more respect. Respect helps you see your aim with clarity, which helps you cultivate peace. And when you're at peace with yourself and your situation, you're more capable of forgiveness. And where does forgiveness lead? To compassion, your ultimate innermost freedom.