11 Qualities Of A Good Friend + What To Watch Out For, From Therapists

Here are the qualities to look for in a good friend, plus qualities to watch out for, according to relationship experts.

Further, she adds, there will simply be a natural click with good friends. "When the chemistry is there, conversation flows, there is playfulness, and you can let your guard down. Looking at whether someone has the qualities of a good friend is important, but go beyond the checklist and trust your gut to make sure there is also friend chemistry—this is what leads to finding friends who are truly kindred spirits," Leeds explains.

Good friends support you and lift you up when you're down, with Page noting they can be our biggest champions. And as Leeds says, "A good friend is also someone who is committed to their own growth and encourages growth in you," adding that they won't feel jealous or competitive with you, and they'll inspire you to be the fullest version of yourself.

"It's this unconditional sense of being there for them, even when you see your friend acting out the same mistakes again and again," he says. Whether they're a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, or simply an overall positive force in your life, good friends are there for you when you need them.

The best friends in our lives are the ones who can celebrate our wins with us but also share in our pain. Page says you know you've got a good friend when you accomplish something and can tell your friend is truly happy for you. "They feel pride for you, they feel joy for you, and they celebrate with you—and a true friend will also hurt for you when you're hurting," he explains, adding that in the hardest times, having good friends to cushion our landing is so essential.

And what's more, a good friend can also remind you when you're acting out the same old patterns in your job, relationship, family, etc.—because in plain terms, they know you well enough to call you on your BS. "In long-term friendships, you see the long arcs of patterns, and so good friends are invaluable because they can point this stuff out," Page explains.

And as psychotherapist Jinnie Cristerna, LCSW, Rh.D., CHt, previously told mindbodygreen, "Being able to have fun and share special memories are the result of having a trusting relationship that feels safe."

"Just like in a romantic relationship, you have to cultivate friendship," Page explains, mentioning a quote from Marianne Williamson where she says, As I grow emotionally, my friends become more like lovers—and my lovers become more like friends.

And as Leeds adds, good friends are also great listeners and skilled communicators. "They show up to the friendship with consistency, kindness, and nonjudgment, [...] putting in effort and prioritizing spending time together," she explains, adding that they'll also be willing to take responsibility for their share of the friendship (i.e., initiating plans and reaching out to check in).

Quality friendships have a high degree of trust, openness, and vulnerability. You probably wouldn't want to pair up with an emotionally unavailable partner, and the same ought to be true for our friends. They'll be willing to get vulnerable and share truths with you (and you'll feel like you can do the same), Page explains, whether they open up about their relationship, family, or a tough time they're going through.

Friendships can become one-sided when there isn't a balance of effort and care between both people, but a good friendship will feel reciprocal. As Leeds tells mindbodygreen, you'll feel a balance between being supportive and supported, with good friends having a generosity of spirit that prevents the relationship from slipping into one-sidedness.

Last but certainly not least, good friends will make you feel seen, understood, and validated. In some cases, Page says, they can even remind you of your best qualities when you're feeling down about yourself. "Our friends can instruct us around who we are and our deepest gifts when we don't see them ourselves," he explains. "They appreciate and point out and recognize these gifts, so that's another deep gift of friendship—there are some ways we wouldn't even know ourselves if our friends didn't help us see," he adds.

And as Page adds, an unhealthy friendship is one where your friend's feelings of jealousy or envy are so strong that they can't feel happy for you, or they may not empathize when you're upset, instead just telling you what you're doing wrong, he notes. Overall, the respect just isn't there, and they don't make you feel good to be around.

A fair-weather or one-sided friend is one who only seems to want to hang out when it benefits them in some way. But when you need them? They're nowhere to be found. As Page notes, these friends can be fun to have for certain activities in some instances, but they should be considered in your outer circle, not your innermost one.

Keep your eye out for excessive gossiping, as well. According to Leeds, "Some gossip is normal in most friendships, but if gossip takes on a large role or feels mean-spirited, this is a sign that this person is likely talking about you behind your back too, which will erode the emotional safety in the relationship."

"Other qualities to be wary of," Leeds adds, "are not feeling aligned with your friend's values, dishonesty, and if they are critical or frequently very negative." She explains that friends with these qualities will likely drag you down, and if you have to contort who you are in the friendship, "it's fair to assume that you are not comfortable with your friend [or] they are judgmental or not understanding."

And as Page tells mindbodygreen, emotionally immature people will have a hard time getting vulnerable or even working through issues in the friendship, which will make it very difficult to sustain.

We tend to give a whole lot of thought to what we want in a partner, but figuring out what we want in our friends is just as important to our overall well-being and life satisfaction. As Leeds says, we are deeply influenced by those we are close to, "so look for friends who inspire you to be the fullest version of yourself."