What Is Platonic Love? 16 Signs & How It Relates To Friendship

Not every profound relationship we encounter in our lives will necessarily be romantic. Love can take many forms, one of which is platonic love.

Platonic love is a type of love that is distinctly nonsexual and nonromantic while still being deep, close, and meaningful. Beyond a simple friendship, platonic love describes a bond that's defined by heartfelt connection, intimacy, and care.

The term platonic references the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, whose work theorized about the nature of love and its highest forms. Plato's work conceptualized the most enlightened types of love as transcending beyond the body in favor of love for the soul and the love of wisdom. Because of this, the idea of platonic love became associated with having a strong, emotionally intimate connection that goes beyond sexuality and romance.

Today, the term platonic is often used to describe the absence of sex and romance in any relationship. The relationships between parent and child, mentor and student, professional colleagues, and friends can all be described as platonic relationships.

Romantic love is the love between romantic partners, which involves a mix of passion, sexual attraction, attachment, and commitment. Platonic love takes the sex and romance out of the equation, while still involving similar levels of closeness, commitment, and care. Importantly, platonic love is not a "lesser" form of love than romantic love.

Platonic love is not necessarily synonymous with friendship, though some close friends do have platonic love for each other.

"Platonic love denotes a deep level of closeness, love, understanding, communication, honesty and transparency, and intimacy," says Jesse Kahn, LCSW-R, CST, a sex therapist and director at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York. "Not all friendships have all of those qualities, nor all of those qualities to the depth of platonic love."

If you're wondering if being platonic with someone means you're "just friends," it's likely that the friendship in question does not involve true platonic love. Platonic friends truly love and value their relationship to each other exactly as it is, without seeing it as lesser or lacking just because sex or romance is not involved. It's diametrically opposed to what some people refer to as the "friend zone," wherein a person resents their status as a friend because what they actually want is sex or romantic affection.

People don't tend to think about or prioritize their platonic relationships nearly as much as they do their romantic relationships.

"Many of us grew up with the idea that a romantic partner was supposed to satisfy all of our needs, that our happiness had to come from the romantic relational system," says Richmond. "More recently, we understand that a healthy romantic relationship can be an essential part of a person's well-being, but it can't be the only part."

Platonic relationships offer opportunities for pleasure, variety, camaraderie, and a general sense of belonging to our lives. As certified sex therapist Heather Shannon, LCPC, CST, previously told mindbodygreen, "Platonic friendship allows for feeling connected, discussing ideas, and feeling witnessed in general in life."

While platonic relationships offer many of the same benefits as their romantic counterparts, Richmond notes that platonic relationships can actually make it easier to enjoy many of these things.

"Our platonic relationships are typically less fraught or high stakes than our romantic relationships—we are not living with that person day in and day out, and therefore we don't place the same expectations on our platonic relationships that we do our romantic relationships," she points out.

Having platonic relationships can take pressure off our romantic relationships from needing to satisfy every single interdependent need of ours, says Richmond.

"Most people have needs that can't be satisfied by one person, including their romantic partner. That is normal and perfectly healthy!" she points out. "It takes a village to fill the bucket of what helps us feel like our truest and most complete selves can thrive."

Platonic life partnerships have been getting more attention these days, and for good reason. These are partnerships wherein two people choose to share their lives together to the same degree as typical romantic couples—think buying a house together, sharing expenses, and maybe even raising kids with each other—just without the sex or dating.

Certain activities are more closely associated to romantic and sexual relationships. A candlelit dinner for two with rose petals scattered around you? Probably kinda romantic. Texting them past midnight to come over to watch Netflix and chill? Kinda sexual.

Your body language and choice of words can communicate a lot. Be wary of flirty behavior that might give mixed signals, says Richmond, unless or until you and this person have firmly established what the expectations are. Some platonic friends can be playful and flirty with each other without crossing a line, but typically that comes alongside actively making it clear that your relationship is decidedly platonic in nature.

Boundaries matter in platonic relationships. At the same time, though, what's so amazing about platonic love is that it really is love. And when you love someone, you actively care about them and your relationship with them.

If you don't want to be in a platonic relationship with someone, it's time to get brave and tell them how you feel. Ask if they're interested in pursuing something romantic or sexual with you.

Relationships are a two-way street, so it's important the two of you are on the same page about what you want your relationship to be. If you're falling in love with a friend who doesn't feel the same way, it's important to respect their boundaries and make peace with the relationship as it is. If you're not able to move forward platonically, it may be necessary to take a break from the friendship until your feelings cool and you're able to reestablish the relationship as true friends.