Why Some People Say "Partner" In A Relationship Instead Of "Boyfriend" Or "Girlfriend"

It's becoming more and more popular for people in relationships to refer to each other as "my partner" instead of calling each other boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband. But exactly what is a partner in a relationship, and what's the difference between calling someone partner vs. terms like boyfriend, significant other, or spouse?

But of course, the terms husband and wife have endured as well, and their gender-neutral counterparts still catch eyes. That's why Jennifer Siebel Newsom, who is married to California's governor Gavin Newsom, made headlines when she announced she'd be referred to as "first partner" instead of "first lady."

Especially when it comes to marriage, some married people "might feel that the terms wife or husband have some traditional implications or historical weight that doesn't reflect their relationship," Melamed says. Using partner, on the other hand, is "a way to express equity in the relationship" with one single word. Partner is free from all the cultural baggage layered onto all its gendered alternatives.

The gender-neutral word also destabilizes heteronormativity more broadly by forcing people to ditch their assumptions about what kind of person you're dating. (For example, as a prolific sex writer, I write about my own relationship regularly without mentioning my partner's name, and that word choice prompts you to recognize that you have no clue about what my partner's gender is. It challenges people to avoid assumptions.)

Some people gravitate toward the word partner because they want their relationship to be taken seriously by others, even if they're not married. Melamed says she knows many couples who have been together a long time, share a life and a home, and are deeply committed, and boyfriend and girlfriend just don't reflect the depth of their relationship. Furthermore, not all couples intend to get married, and it's nice to have the choice of a label that's distinct from the ones they used for all their short-lived high school romances.

More importantly, partner more accurately describes what a healthy romantic relationship really looks like: a partnership. It's two people who've got each other's backs, who are collaborating on their lives together, and who are tackling life's tribulations and triumphs together in a mutually satisfying way.

At the end of the day, of course, the words you use to describe your relationship are wholly up to you. Use the relationship labels that feel comfortable, that feel natural on your tongue, and that make you both feel good.