13 Telltale Signs You're In A One-Sided Friendship & How To Handle It

Chances are, if you've found yourself wrapped up in a one-sided friendship, you may already have a gut feeling things aren't right. Nevertheless, it can be hard to admit your friend, well, isn't a great friend. Not only that, but maybe you don't feel the friendship is serving you anymore. If you're unsure whether this friendship is truly one-sided, here are all the signs to watch out for and how to move forward, according to experts.

"One-sided friendships are characterized by one person doing significantly more than their fair share of the 'heavy-lifting' within a relationship," licensed marriage and family therapist Tiana Leeds, M.A., LMFT, adds. "The 'heavy-lifter' tends to be the one to initiate communication, make plans to get together, provide support, and generally care more about the friendship."

If your friend is constantly unloading their problems on you all the time, Nuñez explains to mbg, you may be dealing with a one-sided friendship. They may launch into long-winded complaints before you even have a chance to say hello, as they're only concerned about themselves.

Naturally, in a one-sided friendship, the giver or load-bearing friend is eventually going to start feeling resentment toward the other friend. Leeds says resentment is actually "one of the most surefire signs that your friendship is one-sided," adding that if you have a growing sense of resentment toward your friend, you have likely fallen into overgiving.

Now, some friends may simply lack self-awareness, not realizing they're an emotional dumper, but still care about you. However, if they never asking how are you're doing or whether you're OK, Nuñez says, this shows a lack of compassion and concern for you and your well-being—which is not how a friend should behave.

Even when you try to bring up something related to your life, they find a way to circle the conversation back to themselves, according to Nuñez. And of course, they always start the conversation with their wants, needs, problems, and the focus is all about them, she adds.

Leeds notes that another potential indicator of one-sidedness is worrying about where you stand this person. "If you find yourself frequently wondering whether your friend cares about you or actually wants to get together, it's probably not a balanced friendship between two mutually invested people," she explains.

Whether you're dealing with relationship problems or struggling at work, when you try to tell your friend about your issues or concerns, they may flat out ignore them, Nuñez notes, or, of course, find a way to make it about themselves.

In addition to ignoring your problems, this friend may go so far as to get upset when you try to talk about yourself—blaming you, saying you're selfish, or that you're not listening to them, Nuñez says. "Sometimes the friend will become angry and upset, and that could cause a fight because they would then call the other friend selfish and not concerned with their wants and needs."

Depending on how sensitive you are to your friend's critiques of your efforts to talk about yourself (for once), Nuñez adds they may make you feel bad or guilty—or at least try to—when you want to talk about something going on in your life.

As you might have started picking up on, many of these signs mirror the behavior a narcissist would exhibit. That's not to say all one-sided friendships involve full-blown narcissists, Nuñez notes, but it's certainly something to consider. Some narcissistic qualities to watch out for include deflecting responsibility, attention-seeking, controlling behavior or manipulation, and a lack of empathy.

If you've ever heard the term "energy vampire," you have a sense of what a one-sided friendship feels like. According to Nuñez, you likely "feel tired being around this friend because all they do is talk about themselves; they're using up your energy, and you feel tired and exhausted."

Simple things like cutting you off, blowing off what you have to say, talking over you, and so on, are all signs of a one-sided friendship. (See also: conversational narcissists.) Nuñez notes this kind of friend will be completely uninterested in hearing what you have to say, which brings us to our next point.

If you offer sound advice or suggestions to a friend talking about their problems (which, as we've established, is probably happening a lot), this friend won't even consider hearing your advice, let alone taking it. They may even turn it into a fight or argument and accuse you of not listening, being unfair, or not being a supportive friend, Nuñez says.

And lastly, particularly if you're a very empathetic person (or even an empath), this person's presence may feel not only mentally draining but physically draining as well. "You may feel sick or ill around them because you're picking up their energy," Nuñez says.

But of course, Nuñez stresses the importance of listening to your intuition and those gut feelings. She suggests asking yourself:

Rather than you being the go-to person for this friend's emotional problems, Nuñez adds, you can create some healthy space and boundaries by not being as readily available or seeing them less than you normally do.

The important thing to remember, Nuñez explains, is that one-sided friendships can be toxic, and once you recognize it, don't feel guilty if you have to end it. "You can support them from afar—the main thing is taking care of yourself and finding people that help support you."

It's never easy to realize a friend isn't being the friend you need them to be, and it's even more difficult to realize you have to walk away. But at the end of the day, friends are meant to support us, not drain us. If a friendship has run its course, lean on your support system and try making new friends. And of course, going forward, always stay open and honest in your relationships, to avoid another one-sided friendship down the line.