Not Every Person With Narcissistic Traits Has Narcissistic Personality Disorder

It's important to highlight that if you are concerned about being a narcissist, then you likely are not one—because true pathological narcissists see nothing wrong with themselves and would never question their behaviors. Let's talk about the difference between healthy narcissism, narcissistic traits, and pathological narcissism—aka narcissistic personality disorder.

According to the DSM 5, a person with narcissistic personality disorder demonstrates a pattern of grandiosity (acting as though they are significantly better than others), a need for admiration, and pervasive lack of empathy present in various relationships and contexts. While there are many signs of a narcissist, a person must meet at least five of the criteria listed below to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder:

People oftentimes throw the term "narcissist" around without much awareness of its clinical meaning. It is possible for a person to demonstrate narcissistic traits without having a narcissistic personality disorder, and there is such a thing as healthy narcissism.

Healthy narcissism is also the ability to feel a sense of entitlement and knowing that you belong in certain spaces and deserve good things. These feelings, though, are usually in line with reality. (Here's more on the difference between narcissism and confidence.) Those with healthy narcissism demonstrate a level of self-awareness, insight, and empathy that a person with narcissistic personality disorder does not possess.

What separates healthy narcissism, people who have narcissistic traits, and people with narcissistic personality disorder (pathological narcissists) are the frequency, intensity, and impairment in their relationships, as well as the insight and awareness of how their behaviors affect others. While most people may engage in self-centered behaviors, these behaviors don't typically last for long periods of time. A person with narcissistic personality disorder genuinely struggles with being happy for others; they dismiss someone's accomplishments and fully believe they are better than those around them. A pathological narcissist will demonstrate self-centeredness in all aspects of their life, which ultimately leads to destructive behaviors in their relationships.

The key word is moments. These behaviors come and go and do not last very long, nor do they have significant impairments in your relationships. With narcissistic personality disorder, these behaviors are pervasive, severe, and are evident in that person's history of social and emotional relationships. They strive to be the center of attention and are ongoingly mean to others at the expense of someone else's feelings. They struggle with sustaining healthy, deep, and meaningful relationships.

However, those with pathological narcissism may become rageful, angry, and will start to gaslight others when they are being held accountable for their actions. Only when they are at risk of losing the relationship will they resort to feigning empathy and love-bombing. Their behaviors will be confusing and dramatic. (Here's more on what a narcissist does at the end of a relationship.) Those with narcissistic personality disorder will demonstrate pervasive dysfunction in their romantic relationships and friendships and lack the ability to demonstrate sustained change long term.

A person without NPD who cheats will demonstrate genuine remorse followed by changed behavior and active efforts to heal themselves and the relationship. They do not love-bomb or pay lip service; rather, they are able to demonstrate a sense of self-awareness that can lead to repairing the relationship.

A person's patterns in relationships, their level of empathy, their capacity for change, and their self-awareness are good starting points for identifying the difference between narcissistic traits and pathological narcissism.