What This Psychiatrist Wants People To Know About Maternal Ambivalence

There comes a moment in every pregnancy or motherhood journey when a mother will suddenly encounter a dissonant emotion—one that contrasts sharply with the deep love she feels for her child. This feeling of maternal ambivalence is totally normal, expected, and common. But for so many moms, these emotions can bring up strong feelings of guilt or even shame. 

The seemingly simple notion that all women have a "maternal instinct" that inherently allows them to naturally and easily care for and want children is an erroneous and dangerous viewpoint. These notions are perpetuated by the lack of open discourse around our mixed emotions in motherhood, as well as the rosier side of motherhood being perpetually displayed in our social media feeds. 

Working toward a healthy and stable bond with your pregnancy and baby is important for a number of reasons. One being the positive bond between mom and baby4 can support the healthy development of your child. Mothers who feel emotionally unwell or feel a sense of rejection toward their babies would likely benefit from a professional evaluation to ensure that there are no other factors, like postpartum depression, that may be contributing to these emotions. And any thoughts to harm your baby or yourself warrant an emergency hospital visit.

In our definition of how we conceptualize a healthy and "normal" approach to motherhood, we must accept that it's OK for all moms to have mixed emotions at times. The more we talk about maternal ambivalence, the more we can normalize it for ourselves and all mothers.