4 Signs Of A Martyr Complex & How To Heal, From Psychologists

A martyr complex is a psychological term that describes someone who self-righteously sacrifices themselves or their needs in favor of others. While a martyr complex is not a clinical diagnosis, it is an identifiable pattern of behavior that can be healed through therapy and self-reflection. 

"A martyr is someone who sacrifices something of themselves in order to protect that of another or to protect something that holds great importance to them," Michele Goldman, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist at the Hope for Depression Research Foundation, tells mbg. "Someone with a martyr complex operates through this pattern in their relationships, in an intense and pervasive way."

She says that people with this type of psychological pattern might look for opportunities to sacrifice themselves because in the past this kind of behavior was rewarded in some way. Therefore, they look for opportunities to sacrifice again and again. 

While this pattern of behavior seems selfless, much like people-pleasing behavior, it can be harmful to everyone involved, according to clinical psychologist Carolina Estevez, Psy.D. A martyr complex is also linked to feelings of guilt, shame, and worthlessness. Estevez says people with a martyr complex may be unable to say no to any request that comes their way.

"People with martyr complexes not only have a victim mentality, but they may even go out of their way to put themselves in distress," she notes. Additionally, if the gesture is not met with recognition, a martyr may harbor resentment toward the people they initially intended to help.

A martyr complex is often conflated with a victim complex, but they are different. "Some people use these terms interchangeably, and the differences between them are rather subtle," Goldman notes.

A martyr complex is something people engage in willingly, even if it results in negative consequences, says Goldman. A person suffering from a martyr complex will continue to actively put themselves in situations where they are hurting themselves. 

There are quite similar patterns of behavior between a martyr complex and a savior complex. Both will sacrifice their own needs for the needs or wants of others; however, Goldman says the main point of difference is the messaging.

"If the phrase of the martyr is 'I'll sacrifice myself for you,' the phrase of the savior is 'I will sacrifice myself to fix you,'" Goldman explains.

A martyr complex usually has its roots in childhood experiences. "People with martyr complexes often grow up in environments where their needs were not met and their emotional boundaries were violated," Estevez says. "This could be due to a parent or guardian who was unable, unwilling, or uninterested in taking care of them."

Experiencing physical abuse, neglect, abandonment, or emotional abuse can also lead to someone developing a martyr complex.

Goldman also says the oldest child might learn to be self-sacrificing if they were asked to care for younger siblings. In this way, having an absent parent might also result in a martyr complex. 

With the right mindset and strategies, it is absolutely possible to overcome a martyr complex. The first step is to recognize that you have a martyr complex. This means acknowledging that you have been sacrificing your own needs and wants for others’ and admitting that you feel a sense of self-righteousness or resentment as a result.

After recognizing the pattern, try to identify the triggers that lead to the martyr mindset. For example, it may be that when someone asks for help, you are reminded of a situation from childhood when you were unable to help, so now you’re overcompensating. Or, it could be that you’re most triggered by not being appreciated for your help, but you feel too ashamed to acknowledge that you’d like recognition. 

Learning to set healthy boundaries is key to overcoming a martyr complex. This means learning to say "no," and how to communicate your needs and limits clearly and assertively.

In overcoming a martyr complex, self-care is also vital. Practicing self-care can take time, but establishing a pattern of recognizing your own feelings and needs will eventually boost your self-confidence. Be sure to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health, and prioritize activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. 

Try putting yourself in their shoes to understand their perspective and communicate with them without judgment. If you are close with a person who suffers from this pattern of behavior, reinforce that you love and appreciate them for who they are, not what they do for you.

The martyr complex can play out in parenthood and may be particularly common among mothers. Making sacrifices to care for your child is a part of parenthood; however, there should be balance.

“Some parents want to do everything for their child,” Goldman says. When children are small, it is appropriate and necessary to be self-sacrificing. However, the extent of sacrifice should change as your child grows. It is necessary for children to develop a sense of autonomy and confidence. After all, they have to learn from their mistakes.

A narcissist describes people who are self-involved to the point where they ignore the needs of those around them. While this may seem contradictory to the martyr complex, sometimes a martyr complex can actually be a sign of covert narcissism. A covert narcissist is someone who has narcissistic tendencies of self-importance and a lack of empathy, but they don’t overtly display it.

There are clear, telltale signs to identify whether you or a loved one has a martyr complex. Whether it’s the tendency to self-sacrifice or neglect your personal needs, a martyr complex can permeate one’s life, negatively affecting family and work.