Making Love: What It Really Means & How To Have More Passionate Sex

There's a certain connotation when we talk about two people making love as opposed to having sex. But is there any real difference? We asked a sex coach to explain. 

"Some argue it's an outdated term because there is more cultural acceptance for sex outside of the context of a loving partnership," Battle adds. "There is also a growing understanding that all different kinds of sex can connect two people emotionally."

The difference between making love and having sex is subjective, as they can look and feel exactly the same and involve exactly the same sexual acts, behaviors, and connection. The biggest difference is in the intention behind the sex: Making love is about using sex to express feelings of romantic love.

Importantly, any and all of these things can be present during sex between non-romantic partners, too. Many people emotionally connect with their sexual partners and enjoy being affectionate with their sexual partners, even if they're not in love. Even casual sex can be very passionate, romantic, and filled with mutual care. The only real way to know if someone is using sex as an expression of love is if they tell you that's how they feel about it.

Making love starts way before you get to the bedroom. There needs to be an emotional connection already building between you that you can then lean into during sex. Part of this is about knowing exactly how you feel about this person—when you're confident about your feelings for someone, it's a lot easier to express those feelings through intimacy. 

"Spending time prior to sex connecting with your partner, learning more about them and their wants and needs, can allow for more deeply connected sex," Battle explains. "Talking about sex when you're not having it can actually increase the quality of the sex you have tremendously!" Ask them exactly what makes them feel loved and connected in bed, and then do those things when you get there.

"Romance is relative, so communicating what you like is also important," Battle says. What does romance mean to your partner—and to you? Is it about a lot of kissing and cuddling? Is it about whispering sweet nothings to each other during the act? Is it about a sensual, romantic environment with candles and roses? Talk about it together, and then make it happen!

Slow down! When it comes to making love, there's no rush and no finish lines you need to rush toward. Spend more time savoring each moment. Draw out each touch so it lasts even longer and feels even deeper.

Genitals aren't everything! Getting away from exclusive focus on the "sexy bits" can particularly make sex better for women, according to sex therapist Cyndi Darnell, MHSci, MNT. "Explore different erogenous zones on her body including neck, shoulders, scalp, ears, belly, inner thighs, inner arms, back, buttocks, and feet," she recommends. "Try experimenting with speed or pressure."

"In the powerful gaze of your partner, there is nowhere to hide, and you practice fully revealing yourself to the other with all that you feel and all that you are. You see them fully while at the same time letting yourself be seen," writes tantric sex educator Leslie Grace, R.N. "Let the love that is in your heart shine out through your eyes. Gazing at your beloved, see the divine spark in their eyes, marveling at the pure life force that is animating them. Feel the sacredness of this simple moment together."

Making love is about expressing feelings of love through the act of sex. So if you want to make it clear that you're making love—and not just having sex—the key is to make sex more intimate, focusing on emotional intimacy in addition to the physical.