Ludus Love 101: 5 Signs You're In It And What To Do, From Relationship Experts

The love we feel for our partners, friends, and family all differ—and in the case of the lighthearted love you feel when you first meet someone? That would be ludus love.

Ludus love is one of the eight types of love described by the ancient Greeks, with ludus translating to "play" or "game" in Latin. It's a flirtatious and fun kind of love that occurs in the early stages of a relationship, free from the deep investment that forms in more long-term love.

As relationship expert Ken Page, LCSW, tells mindbodygreen, the direct translation of ludus to "game" can tell you a lot. "It captures playfulness and the joy of play, and it also captures 'playing games,'" he explains, adding that this type of love can have its upsides and downsides.

"This kind of love sparks that childlike desire to play, to laugh, to have fun and flirt—it brings out, like, a very wonderful, childlike delight. But it can also be addictive, and it can be immature," he says.

Because ludus love is all play and no work, you'll know you're experiencing ludus love if red flags or relationship conflicts haven't reared their heads yet. Nuñez explains that this type of love doesn't yet involve any expectations that we might typically place on a partner, and we tend to keep things light in this stage.

And according to Page, some people struggle to get beyond this stage because any heaviness sends them running. (Hello, avoidant attachment styles!) "You might let relationships and people go when they become difficult or less fun, or you start looking for romantic fun elsewhere when your relationship either goes through hard times or gets a little more familiar," he explains. 

Rarely would we air out all our deepest secrets to a new crush, and that's a telltale sign of ludus love. Who needs to bare their soul when things are still so fun and easy? As Nuñez tells mindbodygreen, it's not uncommon to put your best foot forward when you first meet someone, but you can only keep up the facade for so long.

Lastly, according to Nuñez, younger people are more likely to be enticed by ludus love because as we get older, we tend to have less tolerance for game-playing in relationships. Of course, this isn't always 100% true, but generally speaking, younger people have less dating experience, less responsibility, and fewer expectations, so having fun with a crush can be just that: fun.

Ludus love is all about fun, so try to have it! If you are happy with where you're at in this stage of the relationship, there's no reason to rush through it or question it. After all, according to Nuñez, this stage of a relationship tends to have a roughly 90-day expiration date before evolving.

If you reach a point where you're wanting to go deeper with this person or forge a more serious relationship, Page says it can be a process for the relationship to grow if you're someone who finds difficulty in getting past this stage.

Those early sparks of ludus love can be the foundation of a healthy long-term relationship, but not if you're addicted to the high of a new crush. "If someone who is stuck in ludus love wants to have happy, committed relationships, they'll really need to work on that," he says, adding that it's also not uncommon to beat yourself up for not being more lighthearted or carefree in the ludus stage (i.e., Why is he so chill about us when I'm not? or Why doesn't she ever open up like I do?)

Last but not least, if your relationship grows, that doesn't mean you have to completely lose aspects of ludus love. As Page tells mindbodygreen, ludus love in its mature form can maintain stability and commitment while still being flirtatious, seductive, and playful. "These are beautiful qualities that are often the very qualities missing in long-term love," he adds.

So, if you're in ludus love, ask yourself if this is the mature form of ludus or the immature form, which involves game-playing, manipulation, and general avoidance. And instead of seeing ludus as a static stage, he says, you can integrate it into the long-term big picture.