Is Love At First Sight Real? Why It Happens & 9 Signs You're Experiencing It

Nearly 34% of people claim they've experienced love at first sight, according to the 2017 Singles in America survey of 5,500 singles conducted by the dating site Match. Broken down by gender, 41% of men and 29% of women said they've experienced it. But many marriage therapists and other relationship experts are less convinced that people can really fall in love at first sight.

"I think people can feel intense attraction and connection that they can mistake as love," licensed marriage therapist Racine R. Henry, Ph.D., LMFT, tells mbg. "We all like to believe that love is only magic, but a lot of it is actually choice."

How long it takes to fall in love can vary depending on the individual and what their personal definition of love is. But as psychologist and sex therapist Lauren Fogel Mersy, PsyD, explains, romantic love requires actually knowing someone and their full self—something that's impossible to do just by looking at a person.

"If you see someone and never speak a word to them, do you truly feel love? Not if you define love as deep caring, understanding, support, and affection," Henry says.

Research has shown people do tend to decide whether they are romantically interested in a person within seconds of meeting them, and that near-instantaneous decision depends on a mix of physical and psychological cues they pick up about the person at a first glance.

As for actually falling in love, a set of researchers set out in 2017 to study love at first sight as soon as it happened. They staged meetings with potential romantic partners for some 400 men and women and then asked about the feelings they experienced during the encounter. A small number of people did report falling in love at first sight, but those feelings didn't include high passion, intimacy, or commitment—all the classic hallmarks of romantic love psychologists look for, according to Sternberg's triangular theory of love.

The main factor that predicted falling in love at first sight with a stranger? Physical attraction.

In fact, rating a person one point higher in attractiveness was associated with a nine times higher likelihood of reporting love at first sight. That suggests a great majority of people who claim to have fallen in love at first sight are actually experiencing lust at first sight.

To be fair, love and lust are very commonly confused, according to psychologists Simone Humphrey, PsyD, and Signe Simon, Ph.D. "The two phenomena activate similar neural pathways1 in the brain that are involved in view of the self, goal-directed behavior, happiness, reward, and addiction," they write at mbg.

The intense, all-consuming feelings of passion, exhilaration, and longing associated with falling in love are the product of a series of neurochemical reactions in which the brain's reward system, fueled by the neurotransmitter dopamine, motivates the person to seek closeness and intimacy with the object of their affection—similar to the way the brain behaves when a person is experiencing drug addiction. Research by behavioral anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., suggests this romantic drive response system can theoretically be triggered instantaneously.

Love at first sight isn't necessarily dangerous or unhealthy, and there are plenty of happy couples in healthy relationships who claim to have fallen in love at first sight. That said, because the feelings associated with love at first sight are usually more based on physical attraction and infatuation—as opposed to the enduring, committed care and intimacy that are hallmarks of lasting love—it's possible to get invested too quickly in a relationship that may not actually be healthy or with a partner who might not actually be compatible with them.

Early feelings of love don't necessarily mean two people are a good fit for each other, Cullins emphasizes.

Whether or not you want to call it love, Henry says it's OK to lean into those initial feelings of passion, desire, and connection in the early stages of a relationship. "When we act on those initial feelings of connection and attraction, we can allow ourselves to develop the feelings of love," she says.

"Some people have a once-in-a-lifetime experience of feeling an immediate loving connection to another person, while others experience more of a pattern of falling in love quickly with people they meet," Cullins explains.

As you explore your connection with this person, Cullins recommends maintaining boundaries. Remember: You just met them! You have a feeling about who they are, but you don't actually know them. So take things slow, avoid making any big life decisions right away, and get to know each other the same way you would in the early stages of any relationship.

The popularity of the concept of love at first sight can sometimes create unrealistic expectations, Cullins says. "If a person never experiences it, they may question if they've met the right person to date or build a life together with. Some people may worry that if their connection isn't instantaneous then they haven't met the ideal person."

The reality is, every couple has their own unique timeline, and there's no reason to rush to say "I love you." Love is something that grows, something that often requires time to learn about each other and your dynamic as a duo.