3 Little Things You Can Do On A Daily Basis For A Successful Relationship

Every relationship is different, but when experts with over 20 years of research share their tips to secure a successful partnership, chances are you'll learn something valuable. Such is the case with psychologists John Gottman, Ph.D., and Julie Gottman, Ph.D., authors of The Love Prescription and founders of the Gottman Institute: The husband and wife duo can predict the success of a relationship within 15 minutes of observing the couple's behavior—and on this episode of the mindbodygreen podcast, they offer their tried-and-true tips to ensure everlasting love.

How do you respond to your partner? Do you ignore them (turn away), or do you engage (turn toward)? The Gottmans wanted to assess these patterns, so they created an apartment lab and studied couples who stayed there for 24 hours. "One of the most powerful things that we discovered in our apartment lab was that people were always reaching out for connections," says John. "They're making bids for conversation, for touch, for affection quite often, and the reaction of the partner is so critical." 

Namely, they found couples who wound up divorcing seven years after their wedding had only turned toward their partner's bids for connection 33% of the time. "Whereas the couples who were still married (prior, six years ago) had turned toward those bids 86% of the time. So these small moments are very, very, powerful," John adds.

Compliments shouldn't end at courtship. Many people might think that when you're in a secure, loving relationship, you don't need reassurance from your partner anymore—but according to Julie, that could not be more false. "We continue to need a little bit of reassurance that we're lovable, that we're worthy, that we're enough for our partners... I've never met somebody who actually had surpassed their need for compliments." 

Touch is essential for healthy relationships, according to the Gottmans (even if physical touch isn't your love language). That doesn't mean you have to engage in some sweeping gesture every time you're out in public, but touch is an important part of connection. In fact, "touch is as essential to our well-being as food, water, and exercise," says Julie.

Think about it: Humans are social beings, and we depend on each other in order to survive. It's why extreme loneliness is associated with a greater mortality risk2. "And part of that connection that we need for our survival is touch," Julie adds.

John references the classic study by psychologist Harry Harlow, Ph.D.3, where researchers gave baby monkeys a wire "mother" that provided milk and a cloth "mother" that provided contact comfort in their cage. When those baby monkeys became frightened, they ran straight toward that cloth mother. "So there's a basic drive in all mammals for a connection, and touch is a part of that," John says.