Is Breakup Hair A Healthy Way To Cope? A Psychotherapist Weighs In

Picture this: You and your partner broke up a few days ago, and as you go through the very typical stages of healing, you find yourself fixating on one thing and one thing only—a haircut. 

The term "breakup hair" by no means has a set definition. It can be interpreted in a million different ways; however, most of the time it refers to the haircut or hairstyle change that someone may get (or do themselves) post-breakup. 

According to celebrity colorist Jenna Perry, the shift is more commonly related to cut than color. "You need to get the dead energy out, and with a really good chop, you can even feel lighter in spirit," Perry says about post-breakup cuts. 

And for those who crave a longer look, extensions are one way to achieve just that. "I think changing your look gives you a new perspective on yourself," Perry says. If it's long hair you want, extensions can serve as an immediately gratifying shift while your hair grows out. 

While hair cuts may be the most common post-breakup shift, the brunette to blond transformation (or any other dye job) is another popular venture. Either way, Perry agrees hair might be the best thing to change given that it can grow back to normal with time. Or, you know, you can always dye it back.

Licensed psychotherapist Rachel Wright, M.A., LMFT, who specializes in sex and relationships, gives mbg an inside look into why this change is so tempting: "When we simply want to control a shift in something, especially when the rest of life feels out of control, our hair is something we have full autonomy over," she says. 

What's more, a hair transformation may be just what you need to kick-start your transition from being coupled up to standing on your own two feet, separate from a significant other. "We have much more of an emotional attachment to our hair than most people realize," Wright explains. 

Generally speaking, breakup hair is a healthy way to transition out of a relationship and into a new era, so to speak. However, you should reflect on the why behind your hair transformation beforehand. 

"You have to ask yourself if you're doing this for someone else," Wright says. "Even if you are, are you also doing it for yourself? If it's an 'and,' then it's probably still within a healthy range," she explains.

Here's a quick example: If you're tempted to get bangs post-breakup, ask yourself why. Do you like the look of bangs? Have you wanted them before the breakup and never followed through with them? If so, then go for it! However, if you're not into the look of bangs but know that your ex-partner loved (or hated) them, then your intention may not be coming from a healthy place.